I love you, the three most haunting and wonderful words in the English language. With those three words or the lack of them you can destroy someone or make them all that they are. They first time that I ever dated anyone he was 17 and I was 15 and unallowable age difference from where I come from. I fell hard and fast and truly believed that I would die without him which perhaps might've been my down fall in the first place.
I wanted to be loved so much that I would've let anyone who was willing to pretend to be loved by me. I would get so angry when people told me that at 15 years old I wasn't capable of love, I would do almost anything for him and I thought in mind that must surely mean that I loved him, I never did anything with him that I regret now which is one of the biggest blessings of my life, although he was he who put the idea in my head that if you really loved someone that you will sleep with him and obviously I didn't love him truly because I refused to do just that but after 7 months of the most horrible heart ache that I have ever felt I came to realize that love will always involve sex but the test of love is never having sex to prove that you love someone but not having sex to prove that you love someone, because that is a much keener test of love.
It has been little over 2 years since my first " love" if you can call him that, I think of him and wish sometimes that we were still friends but I know that it could have never happend that way. I am sad because things were so hard for me for such a long time but now I am so happy with things the way they are. I often hear that a 17 year old cannot love, that they do not know what it is to love or be in love but I disagree with that with all of my heart.I am not a 17 year old who just wants to disagree with that just because I have a boyfriend and so I feel I must disagree but because in the last four months of my life I have fallen in love. This is were most people begin to mock and tell me that I cannot possibly understand the meaning of love, Okay I will agree with you. I don't understand the love that my parents have for each other, it will take 25 years of marriage for me to understand that kind of love but I have never met in my entire life someone who will do things soley for me.
In the last four months that I have been dating the most wonderful thing in my entire life, he has never ceased to amaze me. Trying to make my favorite food in the entire world, Bringing me a dozen roses when I have had the worst day of my life and bringing roses when we have had fights, He brought me cold medicine when I was sick and then came over the next day and I know that I looked horrible, I had been up all night, I had been throwing up and he looked into my eyes and told me I was the most beautiful girl in the entire world and so I am here to tell you that I do not understand love, I do not pretend to but in all the capcity that I can love as a 17 year old high school senior I am in love. In all the capacity that I can want to make someone happy and care for him I do, and I can only hope that in 10 years I love him even more, in all capacity that I can love then.
Everyone tells me that there is no chance that I will still be dating my beloved 10 years from now and I will openly admit that the statistics and chances are not good but I am willing to take those chances because I have never met someone who cares so deeply about how I feel, someone who wants so badly to go see an action movie but takes his girlfriend to Phantom of the Opera because it is what she wants to see. Yes, I am willing to take my chances if it means a chance with a guy like that.