Faith and trust are two different things. I'm learning how to have total faith in someone I truely love, but at the same time develop a trust that needs to last me a lifetime. Is it always this hard? Being inquisitive and untrusting isn't helping. I think it's a defense mechanism; I mean, who wants to be hurt, to have their little heart with wings shot down from the stratosphere and come crashing back into the dating pool?

She's gone now. She's away with a friend, or so she said. I should just take her word, but paranoia chews at my mind, gnawing until I have to pick up the phone and check on her. I feel like a chaperone, the one whose child is going to the big dance, and the kid just doesn't want the parent there. Maybe I'm the one who needs to grow up, though. I think maybe it's getting ridiculous, getting to the point where the pumping lemma I'm supposed to be studying takes a back seat to thoughts of her doing things she'd never consider.

I'm so close this time. Better to not screw it up again, I think.