And now, little children, a more realistic version of events.

Him: About bloody time... for all the hoop-jumping and feigning interest and sitting through those GODAWFUL films with Hugh Grant and blue-balled evenings holding hands, the payoff is in my sights!

Her: Hehehehehe! It looks like a frozen sausage with that rubber thing on it!

Him: Alright, here goes...

Seventy five seconds later... *wibbly lines*

Both: What a bloody let down!!!!

Source: Multiple personal accounts.