The Occupy movement is a bunch of contemptible iPad-wielding spoilt rich brats who think that they can change the world by pitching a tent and chanting vapid slogans. They have no real ideas, no real principles, and no real clue. In twenty years' time they will all be Tories.

The problem I have with them most of all is that they do all this, though, while claiming to be "the 99%" in that the bankers are the 1%. It's probably fair enough to say that the bankers are the 1%. However, Occupy are certainly not representative of the entire world and definitively not representative of me. At best they're the 3-4% who are rich enough to spend their time hanging around in tents near financial districts and neglecting to wash while being bailed out by Mummy and Daddy.

No, the real 99% are people like me who have to work for a living, and it makes me heartily sick to see these overprivileged penivores crowing about how suffering and oppressed they are when they can afford to do this. The term that springs to my mind is "the idle rich." If there really was a popular uprising en masse of the 99%, the Occupy folks would be liquidated with the rest of them. They are no more than the Middle trying to exchange places with the High and enlisting the Low on their side, which they will thrust back in their place once the revolution's over.

There's also something disturbingly cultish about the Occupy movement as well. I recently encountered their "Safer Space" policy, which is sort of like a code of conduct, and which you can find here. Note the points about respecting everyone's wisdom, not being judgemental or competitive, all of which can result in you being "asked to leave the space." This sort of sums up the attitude of Occupy really, that it's all about being fluffy and pontificating rather than actually doing anything. Under that policy, you could not say, for instance, "let's quit fartarsing about and actually come up with some workable and practical solutions beyond lynching the bankers." Because that's judgemental in and of itself, despite it being probably what Occupy really, really, ought to do in order to change things.

It also betrays a culture of taking offence and shocking entitlement. How dare people say I'm wrong, it implies. But that's not news for these silver-spooned cretins, let's be honest here. They and their fanboys blew multiple gaskets when comic artist Frank Miller roasted them on his blog as "rapists" and "pond scum" which was a bit harsh, let's be fair. But there was legitimate criticism in that particular roasting, which they also saw fit to take offence to. I personally am with the banker over Occupy Chicago who showered thousands of McDonald's application forms onto the protestors. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no fan of bankers on a personal level (a former university colleague is now one and he was an obnoxious cocaine-sniffing horsecunt even before he got such a job, so now he's an obnoxious cocaine-sniffing horsecunt with ostentatious amounts of money) but that guy, well, I just have to admire his balls. Because once again, to the real 99%, the increasing ranks of unemployed, the homeless which the Occupy movement are documented as objecting to because they would be "offending the sensibilities of middle class campers" (according to this) and which it falls to the lot of evil vulturous lawyery types like myself to assist, any sort of job, even a crap one, would provide them at least some form of security and/or a base to seek to advance themselves further.

But none of this bothers the Occupy folks because they know that when their game's up they'll just go and ask Mummy and Daddy for another bailout and/or to pull strings to get them into a suitable job that they feel entitled to by dint of what beautiful and unique special snowflakes they are. Or they'll get jobs in NGOs or as policy wonks for the Labour Party or vaguely leftist think tanks, none of which are poorly paid.

Finally, they charge their iPads at Starbucks. Yes! Yes! I agree entirely! Rampant mass consumerism is so evil. Hey, can I have a sip of that Frappucino?

I think that's quite enough. Like I said earlier, in 20 years' time they will all be Tories and will cringe horribly when their children see the inevitable Facebook photos of them in their pretend Hoovervilles thinking they're doing something significant.