Googling "naked girls" aged 14.
(At least I wasn't googling "naked girls aged 14." That would have got me onto some sort of register.)
Actually, in all seriousness, though, my first porn, in the wider sense, was probably reading a site I travelled onto with hordes of rude songs on it. These bawdy, folksy ditties about overendowed prospectors and insatiable Inuits, tales of sexual misfortune, just plain grossness, and so forth introduced me to all sorts of amusing turns of phrase that, in my callow youth, I was unaware of the meaning of. So when I googled them, jackpot! Rude ladies doing rude things! That's an instant bookmark - though I always made them look innocuous in the bookmarks menu, naming them after things I had to do for school, and purged the History, temporary folders, and cookies after a good session. I was certain to get away with it because neither of my parents had ANY idea how to access same if I covered my tracks thus; I'd just say it was to get rid of viruses or threats thereof.
There were close squeaks though. While my old man was defragmenting the hard drive, a file flashed up called something like "Katyadildo7.wmv" but, thankfully, didn't notice it, although I was clenching because of same.
I didn't pass round my links to my classmates. They already had extensive pornfolios of their own. I did, however, pass round the rude songs and from then till eternity, school trips would resonate to the strains of "The Ball of Kirriemuir," "I Like a Horse," "Bestiality's Best, Boys," "The Street of 1,000 Arseholes," "The Randy Crow," "Hedgehogs can Never be Buggered At All," "Cam Ye All At Once," and suchlike. Even in assembly, if the appropriate hymns came up, we'd all be singing "At the Sight of Penis" and "Lord of the Fuck," and at Christmas, "Once In Ilford's Lonely Car Lot." Yep, nothing was sacred.
I think this goes a long way to explaining why I'm so fucked up in every conceivable way.
To close, then, I'll leave you with my favourite verse from my favourite rude parody hymn, which still makes me go, "ooohh!!!" at its sheer viscerality.
"Take you from the back or from the front,
Settle for an arsehole if I cannot find a cunt,
I fucked all the women till their sides were split,
Then buggered their brothers till they could not shit."
That says it all really.