Oh, man, what's up with life?
Once again my brother AKA demon spawn child has forced me to alienate myself infront of my closest friends. My brother is 19, he acts like he's 12. While it hasn't been confirmed most of our family feels that he's suffering some sort of social disorder. All day today he has made it a point to make me out to be a slob, a jerk, lazy, stupid, or mean. While I can be all those things, I'm normally just apathetic. So for whatever reason today, I suppose because my friends have been around all day, giving him an audiance, he's been on a war path to embarrass me in front of them.

I am secure enough in my relationships with them to know that they know me better than he does (we havent lived togethr in a very long time until he moved back here). So after several hours of taunting and torment I stood up at the dinner table and said "I'm sorry, I'm not going to sit here and put up with this from him any more tonight" and came back here to my room with my dinner which is on my bed getting cold. This did 3 things: It made me look like a martyr, it forced me to concede victory of class I suppose, and it totally ruined my night. I'm afraid to go back out there because I did kind of blow up, and I don't need critisism from them right now. Another unexpected result, a first as far as I know, is they actually defended me after I left. I find this rather suprising, normally when this happens they sit around and go on like nothing happend. See, no matter what I say, no matter what they see, they for some reason, REALLY like my brother.

The only lame thing really was that Julia came back here telling me to come back and eat after I made it quite clear that I could not tolerate the abuse that was being directed at me in that room. When I explained this a second time she told me to justy ignore him. What she fails to understand is that I have been ignoring him all day. I'm emotionally exausted from it. I sat down to eat with my friends, NOT expecting him to come in, and he shows up when my guard was down. My only recourse at that point is to forcefully ignore him. To do this I have 2 options: I can leave, which I did, _OR_ I can snap myself into a trancelike state and become oblivious to everything around me, my friends included. The reason I didnt do that is because then he would have continued his taunting of me, and well... I get VERY embarassed when he tries to make me feel bad infront of people who I care about. Anyways now I'm here....feeling pity for myself. I think I'll just go to bed early