It's all very fine and good to enumerate the trappings of a wedding, but this operates on the fallacious assumption that the groom plays a role in any of it, or is even allowed a say.

Here is all a man needs to know about an actual wedding:

  1. Sit down and shut up.
  2. If it's your own wedding, stand up and say "I do" at the appropriate time.
  3. SIT DOWN and SHUT UP.
  4. If it's your daughter's wedding, sign the checks. Although more modern families leave this responsibility to someone else.

A PATENTED* Gorgonzola throwaway** writeup for temporary humorous effect.


**A few people have begged me not to delete this. It's clearly gone beyond "temporary humorous effect".