In college, one of my
roommates had this friend, Tony. Tony was a frigging
moron, and an
asshole. What
really pissed me off most about him was that my roommates used to listen to him like he was some kind of damned
guru, as opposed to someone who graduated with a
low C average, had an
illegitimate child, and continuted to hang out in his college town
getting drunk all the time. Also, whenever he came to our house he had three
random hos with him (kind of like the
wise men, except not at all
wise, sans gifts, and hos). They were
never the same three, and
two of them were always ugly. The third one was usually
the type of girl who could be pretty if you wiped three-sixteenths of an inch of makeup off her face, and about four years of skank off the rest of her. They were all inevitably
idiots. (Why else would they be hanging out with Tony?) One night three particularly
annoying hos were following him around, and they spent about twenty minutes standing in the kitchen talking to my roommate. They were very
loud and
aggravating, and I eventually
retreated to the relative
quiet of my room. Anyway, the next day when I came home from classes
starving, I was looking forward to eating some, or perhaps all of my
BBQ fritos. Yeah, I know it ain't no
t-bone, but I'm
poor. However, my
fritos were
nowhere to be found. I searched
high and low, in every room of the house for them, but there was nothing, not even an
empty bag. The day before the bag had been nearly full, and now it was
gone. So, I
queried all the roommates, in a quite
aggressive manner, as I was extremely
hungry at this point. The roommate in question said he
didn't know anything about it, but a few minutes later came into the living room to tell me that he had seen "
that fat chick who was here last night" eating something in the kitchen, and that she wouldn't tell him what it was. Great, some
random ho has eaten my fritos.
Devastated by the event, and
inspired by my accidental rhyme, I wrote a
poem about it:
Random Ho Ate My Food
Oh random ho!
What do you eat?
A frito?
Whose frito, random ho?
My frito?
MY FRITO?!
Oh no.
My frito.
Thank you.