I think I know a lot about missing the point. I have been on the internet for twenty years.

Missing the point is a number's game. There is a joke from one of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books that the secret to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss. The secret to missing the point is to throw yourself at the obvious and miss.

If there are ten explanations for something, and nine of them makes sense, and one of them doesn't, pick the one that doesn't. If there are ten explanations and nine of them are relevant, pick the one that isn't. For example, say you and a friend are talking about how fatigued you feel. They then comment later that you look tired. Now, the 9-out-of-10 case is that this follows from the discussion you had. And the 9-out-of-10 case is that this is meant to show sympathy. So to miss the point, just pretend that those obvious interpretations are not present, but instead focus on the minority of interpretations where your friend has just called you ugly and is saying you look old and decrepit! You are now mastering missing the point.

Other important skills to build out outwards from there are to think of an incredibly theoretical situation to defeat someone's statement. If, for example, someone says they don't like carrots, ask them if that means they would refuse to eat a carrot if they were starving to death. Also, discuss an example ad nauseum and ignore the thing it is meant to illustrate. If someone says they are so busy they can barely eat breakfast in the morning, steer the conversation towards an exhaustive discussion of instant breakfast foods. If someone says they can't do something because of extraordinary circumstances, assume they don't like that thing. For example, if you ask someone to see Star Wars, and they say they can't because they have to work, repeatedly ask them what they don't like about Star Wars.

The secret to missing the point is to take anything that anyone gives you and to run with it as far away as possible from the context or situation it was given to you in.

Got that? Good. You are now ready to internet.

I was going to also write about how wildly nostalgic I am for the one afternoon I spent walking around the Ten-Ten Peninsula in the rain...mostly because the Ten-Ten peninsula is a soggy reflection of my own Oregon life. And while that would fit literally, it certainly would be missing the point.