It is 1:15 AM in my time zone, and I just realized I was hangry and then I realized I hadn't eaten a meal today. I have eaten today, but not a meal. Then I realized there was a word enchilada. I wish I had a non-word enchilada. But I am making spaghetti isntead.
I have been making weekly to-do lists. Today, my list was rather light, but it did have two items: watch "The Big Lebowski" and "A Night At The Opera", which really, I am long overdue to do both of those things. But looking at my list, I realize that it is now 1 AM on a Saturday NightSunday Morning and I have a lot of things to juggle. A few hours ago, I was thinking that I could play a nice long round of a Turn Based Strategy game for a few hours, then, refreshed, put together a video, and while it was uploading to YouTube, I could then enjoy some nice time reading. It was a long evening, Saturday evening was. And then I realized it was 1 AM and my kitchen was a mess and I was hungry and I had not done anything and...and...and
You know what is funny? I can honestly say that 2021, in so many ways, is the best year I have had for a while. I am contributing to society, learning new things, and enjoying myself. Why couldn't I tell my 15 year old self that it was this easy to be happy? Think of something to do, and do it! But the fact of this simple, even simplistic take on things, doesn't change the fact that I am still waking up and thinking "It is May already?". The fact that January and its ills seem another lifetime ago doesn't mean I am not saying: "It is May already! I will be 42 in a week! less than a week!. My own future with my niche form of employment and the fact that I've given up on having a community after a long and grinding pandemic, the fact that the income stream is still not positive, the fact that I want to change my life but still have socks up in the closet that I need to cull, the fact that...well, as they say, time keeps on slipping slipping slipping into the future.
Anyway, so I am happy, and I think I am getting along as well as can be, but as in so many things, I find myself over budget, hoping that the resources can be strung together like spaghetti okay I got to go check my spaghetti,
okay, the spaghetti is fine, but did I wash my collander? Is that even possible? I know I didn't do Spanish listening today, or eat an apple, and it is almost 2 AM and even my wind down time will take me too far. And my alternatives are either to sleep in late and be thrown off into the coming week, or to be grouchy all day and probably panic eat carbs without having the energy to make an actual meal and those apples are probably going rotten and
Okay, but at least this will get done before deadline.
Do I have time to eat all my avocados? Why did I buy two bags?