Today on Bob Villa's This Old Mother Ship, I'll be showing you how to make your own mother ship including accessories, decorations and common pitfalls you may make.

To make your own mother ship you'll need the following items :

  1. A few billion nano-assemblers
  2. An XML-CAD driven rendering platform
  3. An H Higgs Boson generator
  4. Blueprints for your mother ship in CADSL
  5. A nuclear fusion plant
  6. Lots of soil
  7. Furniture and household items for decoration

To build your mother ship, first you'll need a design. Most mother ships are modelled on the classic flying saucer layout. This layout simulates a small portion of the Earth's surface in diameter from just a few meters to a few dozen kilometers and is highly customizable depending on whether yours is a defense, science, luxury or day-to-day living ship. My ship will be a day-to-day, so I'll probably want to allocate enough space on my ship for a large park with a small beach for kite flying, volleyball, etc, a mall, a couple sports centres for bodybuilding, gymnastics and several hydroponic farms to support the population. I'll reserve the lower levels for office spaces, movie theatres, libraries and some other seek-rit rooms that will oddly not appear on any of the official maps.

Next you'll need a power supply. The power supply gives you extra energy for when you're too far out from a star to gather enough energy for day to day use and powers your gravitational rings and ion propulsion. You could go with an older nuclear fission reactor, but I find that a Tokamak fusion reactor gives you a lot more energy for your buck. You just have to make sure any tritium produced is contained within the reactor and out-gassed from time to time. So I'll put my Tokamak reactor at the very bottom center in the middle of the main gravitational ring. We'll talk more about gravitational rings in a bit.

To protect the inhabitants of your mother ship from cosmic radiation, micro-meteorites and what-not, you'll need a roof. Have you ever noticed how movies (with the exception of V) never show you the roof of a mother ship? In this show, I'll be making a sun-roofed mother ship using the latest gamma ray and cosmic ray resistant formulations of transparent aluminium infused with micro-meteorite sweeping nanites. This will give our mother ship a lovely view for star party, romantic evenings, Earth watching or for simply simulating another sunny day for those long trips into deep space.

No mother ship is complete with it's own gravity system. The largest component of your ship will in fact be the gravitational ring and is housed at the bottom of your ship with smaller anti-gravitational rings located at key points to smoothen out the gravity field, allow you to nullify gravity completely in different areas and fine tune your navigational control in orbit without disrupting life inside the main dome. The gravitational ring is a hollow telephone cord within a telephone cord within a donut shaped plasma coil in which you pump H Higgs Bosons at 0.95c to generate the artifical gravity field. The GR can help you navigate while in orbit around a planet, but chances are you'll need ion engines to push the vehicle while in deep space.

Now that we've got a basic design that's been simulated and tested for any small problems, we're ready to build. The ideal place to do this is in orbit. Gather all your materials and send them up the skyhook and you'll be ready to construct your own assembly platform. While the nano-assemblers are building your ship, you'll probably want to spend some time shopping for furniture, cultural artifacts, personnel, henchmen, loose women of good genetics and two of each species. Now you're all set to zip out into outer space and life like the Taliban the Unabomber or Ron Jeremy as you see fit. I myself am taking lots of body glitter, polyester suits, disco balls boy band music and sex swings on mine.