I go through these days where everything
is so silent in my mind, and the outside world is so loud by comparison
that I get earaches
so bad they cause me to cry
. (this is made worse by the fact that due to something that happened to me a few years ago I now have an equilbrium problem that has to do with my ear
. It's...confusing. And, not something
I like to talk about.) Today is one of those days.
This might have to do with the four
hours of sleep
I got last night
. A friend of mine came into to town from about two hours away and we went out after I got off of work last night. She's incredible.
She lived here up until two weeks ago. I miss her. Anyway
, We saw a few local bands play downtown
. The last one we heard was not a band, but a chick with a guitar
. She was incredible. One of the songs she sang reminded me of a friend
(Well, I think we're still friends. I don't know, you'd have to ask him. And, I say YOU because I'm tired of him, unamused by him, and weary of having to deal with his immaturity again.) I must have looked sad
because Erin reached over and held my hand as if to say, " It'll be ok." For someone who's got a lot of shit happening in her life right now, she's incredibly perceptive and caring. Afterwards, a group of about ten of us went out to " The Cliffs
" that overlook a lake
in the area. We live in the middle of nowhere
So, out on the lake you can see the whole sky and all of the stars
. It was incredibly peaceful and incredibly beautiful
. There was a little breeze blowing, but not enough that it made us shiver
. The moon shone through the trees and onto the lake. We all seemed to curl up in two to three people huddles. We sang each other Pixies
songs, and joked about throwing people
into the lake. We decided to go home
at about four. I fell asleep. I had a disturbing dream
and woke up at about six. No, it must have been later
than that, because I saw the sunrise. I fell asleep
again until about 9:30 and then I got up and shower
My first class of the day was incredibly disheartening
. I never feel as dumb as I do when I'm sit
ting in front of 60 year old woman butchering her native language
while she says, " Come on... It's common sense
." And, whereas I know better, a foreign language
isn't going to come to me as common sense, she's right, I should be better. I ripped my contact in my second
class, don't ask me how because I don't know. I rode the bus home teary eyed so I could take care of it. And, now I'm at work. I want to jab a pencil into my left ear it hurts so much (and for some reason I think that will make it better.) I have faith that the day will end well, though, because I found a note in my backpack
from Erin that has her new phone number
Now, If I could just get my ears to stop hurting....
Added much later...
I had been done with work for about two hours when my friend Jonathon stopped by. He woke me up, which was fine, I was on my way to a nightmare. Jonathon and I are a lot alike. He seems to be just as frustrated with everything that is going on here as I am. We went to Perkins in search of cinanmon rolls and cherry coke. We sang to each other. Lately I've been wishing I had one desire...
And Baby, I love you. That's why I'm leaving. There's just no talking to you, and there's just no pleasing you. I care enough that I'm mad...
So my day ended with a smile.