Preventing Change

I've often thought about this particular subject. Sometimes I think about it a lot within a very concentrated period of time. Then, I may forget all about it and first think about it again months later... I am a rather spontanious person on several levels and yet on others not at all. But when it comes to making life-changing decisions (of which there are luckily few) I tend to drag them out.

What does this have to do with preventing change?

Well - as I see it, conscious decisions are sort of a front for the actual change that happens in ones life. Conscious decisions are made based upon a long history of past changes in ones life. You have to look past actual decisions to see the changes I'm talking about preventing. Mostly because it's easy to prevent a conscious decision. It's much, much harder to prevent unconscious changes that occur in ones life. Let's look at an example about the type of changes I'm referring to:

When I was around the age of 14, me and my brother (who is five years older) often enjoyed watching The Simpsons on television. We (or maybe just I) enjoyed it so much that we'd take time out from whatever we were doing and watch it around eight o'clock in the evening. Slowly however, my brothers interest in the show waned. He became disenchanted with its previous flair and would now only watch it if it was a new episode, or he happened to be around the TV when it aired.

I almost refused to accept this, trying to do whatever I could to prevent this change from happening. Explicitly telling him that the show was on, or if it was a new episode or whatever. I remember hoping that I never lost interest in the The Simpsons without really knowing why. I just remember not wanting to stop watching the show. Not because the show was that amazing, I mean it is great but come on, it's still just a tv show. But because I associated the simpsons with a fun side of my life. Something I liked watching because I had a personality that enjoyed it. In a way I suppose I felt something was to be gained from watching it - I thought it was a great show, and personally I still think it is (although the latest seasons can be debated).

Anyway, about five to six years later, my own interest waned. Of course, it didn't just up and vanish from one day to the other but eventually I cared as little about it as my brother did. This is probably due to a lot of things, but nothing that I couldn't have actively prevented. In other words - if I really still wanted to watch the show whenever it aired a new episode, I could. But I don't... And I'm not...

Why the sudden change? I'd love to analyze this side of the topic deeper and I may still do this some day, but right now it's beside the point. The point is I don't regret this change, and even more importantly there is almost an identical situation going on right now.

Being heavy computer users or nerds if you will, both I and my brother have had aspirations of making games. Something along the lines of "I love to play them, why not make them?" even though it's mostly just sweat and blood like a lot of other working environments. Now - we both still play games, but my brothers interest in making games has waned - and I'm afraid mine will too. And as it still hasn't I hope it won't. Arguably, "wanting to watch The Simpsons" and "wanting to make games" are two very different things - but both are a part of ones personality.

It's hard for my brain to grasp the concept of having lost a trait which I now do not regret losing and being afraid of losing another trait which I most likely will not regret losing if lost.

My conclusion so far has been to accept the fact that traits come and go as well as personalities eventually change, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about preventing change. Of course, this issue spans much further than just my own personality. Or rather, because it is focused on my personality - it also has to do with everything forging my personality. Friends, family, people, places and things.

I have a lot of friends I hope I never lose or grow apart from, yet I've tried it before and rarely regret it which probably stops me from doing anything actively to prevent it...

I'm so confused...