Happy 4th of July. May I fuck your reputation?
Disclaimer: The following is a short rant about fake friends, backstabbing, and revelations. If you are offended by opinions or just don't like me, stop reading here. Pregnant women and small children should also avert their eyes.
Ahh... the joys of summer. Teenagers become restless and bored. When certain girls become bored, they must find a way to entertain themselves. Entertainment is not cheap. Someone always has to pay. In this case, me.
- July 4th, 2001 -
The day began like any other dreary summer day. I slept until 1pm, woke, ate pancakes for breakfast and returned to bed to ward off the demons of sleep. At 5pm, I was sequestered to appear for food at CyberGoat's. It was to be CyberGoat, Mitchevious, and Netpseudo for a little chow and then coffee. What should have been a quiet, intellegent evening turned into a suprise barbecue when our co-worker and chum remmin asked that he bring over a friend and some beef patties. All right, CyberGoat agreed- Free food is always welcome. Half an hour later, remmin shows up with Adam, Adam's lady friend, and another anonymous faced male. This was good. Men enjoy their manly time. Then through the gate walk remmin's girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend), Sarah, and Tracy. Keep in mind that remmin's woman Amanda never did much other than cause trouble. Sarah and Tracy, her new co-horts in training have assumed as much of Amanda's personality as is possible without frontal lobotomies all around.
It is the general consensus that they have been spending far too much time locked in a bedroom together. It seems that rumors about myself have begun to surface in the Three Stooges Community regarding the youngest and most red-headed, Tracy. She claims that at one of Mitchevious' parties where she consumed enough alcohol to fuel a car cross-country, I took advantage of her on Mitchevious' bed... in which he was currently dozing. Truth be told, I am reluctant to post what really happend, but it must be done. Just as our young irish lass was babbling about The Big Lebowski she somehow worked her hand under my belt. How, I am not sure, but thank god it didn't get any farther. The tensile strength of braided leather must have been too much for her. I promptly removed the white fingers and rolled over. Her- feeling dejected proceeded upstairs for sleep (more booze?).
Now for Amanda's story: One day, not so long ago, while my good friend remmin was in his room and I was guest in their fine apartment, I am accused of rubbing her lower back and touching her rear end. Now, how she can state this is mind boggling to me. I try to keep as much distance between the seething, writhing ball of cat hair and penis-envy as is possible. In no way do I find her attractive, even with a paper bag included. Amanda only has to glance in my general direction for me to fear the wrath that she will bring down upon poor remmin for his role as a human: breathing.
Sarah. I find Sarah's story somewhat interesting. According to her, I have $100 to waste on sex. With her to boot. Then I honk my horn outside her house until she comes outside only to ask "Have you changed your mind yet?". Weak. Very weak. It is reassuring however to know that when women get together, they can work out a plan. In this case, it must have been Destroy GavinDot! Why? Nobody will ever know but them, and that's fine. Perhaps someone should direct them to the node on how to make friends.
To the girls: I know you're reading this, so go ahead, print it out. After all, that's why I wrote it.
Quote of the day: "Sarah? Why, I wouldn't pay more than a bean burrito for her!"
Happy noding and good night.