"It tells me how it feels to have been you, a thousand voices whispering true, and every voice belongs to you" The Cure

Saturday morning refuses me the sleep I need so badly, even after being up all night. Kyoto Song is playing as I sip my morning coffee, camel smoke wafting about my head, like a fugue of cancerous decay.

I made the attempt to go out last night. I've been sinking into the eternal abyss of computer chat, and feeling a wee bit guilty. Spent a hundred bucks on some new clothes (shopping is easy in NY..just buy anything black) Went down the the local lounge, a swank little place called Saints and Sinners. Paid my three bucks to get in, and ordered a Long Island Ice Tea (when in rome...gorge yourself, puke, gorge some more, and grab a little greek boy). I only stayed a half-hour..I was overdressed for the inane frat-boy crowd. This place is so unpredictable. I'm getting ready to just walk around with a placard saying Man Whore for Hire. Any takers?

I've been trying to get ahold of some people in Florida via email. No response. I know they're getting the emails, they're internet junkies like myself. Maybe they're just not Garryn junkies anymore..who knows. Out of sight, out of mind seems to be their way of thinking, I've concluded. Ah, anyways, I think I overvalued the worth of my friendship anyways, to quote Digo. It was a mean thing to say, but I think she was right. What value does friendship have anymore? I'm beginning to believe it's all shit. People build you up to the sky; when you're there to fly with them, but as soon as you start to soar, they yank you back down, leave you looking for something more..pardon my rhymes, my bad. (I hate that expression, I'm slicing my arm with razorblades to punish myself for sinking to that verbal low).

Wow, I sound like a whining bitch.

(Note to readers in the murky future..many people of the 20/21st century are indeed whining bitches with no insight of humanity save their own vapid, desolate, and pathetic existances. It works quite nicely for us, though)