A brilliant satirical work by Tuli Kupferberg and Robert Bashlow, published in 1966 but unfortunately long out of print. (I got my copy from a used book dealer in England.) It is literally what it says it is, a bizarre kind of self-help book that lists exactly 1001 humorous ways to beat the draft. But don’t try this at home, kids! The list is interspersed with cartoons, photographs, and newspaper clippings to form sort of a lengthy collage.

Some selections:

1. Grope J. Edgar Hoover in the silent halls of Congress.
2. Get thee to a nunnery.
3. Fly to the moon and refuse to come home.
4. Die.
5. Become Secretary of Defense.
11. Start to menstruate. (Better red than dead.)
52. Tell the draft board that you will send your mother to fight in Viet Nam in your place.
54. Organize your own army and advance on Washington.
86. Learn to talk with your anus.
194. Give away copies of the Communist Manifesto to the other inductees.
395. Tell them you like Theater of the Absurd but this is too much.
580. Commit an original sin.
633. Walk in wearing a big diaper and say: “Well, I still have some problems.”
724. Bring a gun and a target and at an appropriate moment (say the eye exam) lean the target against a wall and start shooting at it, screaming: “Kill the Commies! Kill the fucken Commies!”
813. Be yourself.
870. Tell them you’ll go only if you can stick to a strict macrobiotic diet.
939. Play dead.