I am sick.

I can't imagine how I became ill, but I started to feel it on Saturday afternoon. Immeadiately I took the reccomended supplements, sprays, and fluids. I made sure to get ample sleep on Saturday night, despite not getting into bed until around 2:30AM (Sunday morning). I slept in on Sunday.

I had plans with Jennifer for Sunday. We were going out to lunch, and then to the movies to see Star Wars EP II. I had already seen it several times, but she had not, and I enjoy it enough to see it many more times over. We were a few minutes late for the movie, but we did not miss too much (the intro text and the explosion of Padme's ship). The movie was, of course, great. I was with Jennifer, after all.

When the film was over, we went outside - INTO THE RAIN. Finally, it was raining, hard. In the part of PA that I live in, we haven't had rain in a long time - weeks at least. I was quite happy to walk through the rain, even though it will more than likely result in my being more sick. She warmed me up.

We went into the mall for a few minutes to find a kite for her, but to our dismay the mall was closed (Sunday hours!). We headed back to my place. A road was closed. Detour! She took me to an ice cream shop.

I think this is where I lost it.

My sickness had me feeling a mess already, but I was mostly cheered up after going to the movies with Jenninfer. I ordered a strawberry sundae. She ordered a cookie dough blizzard with chocolate ice cream. Our order comes. Her ice cream was not chocolate. The look on her face was enough to make me melt into a puddle. We climbed in her car. She didn't touch her food. I was sad. She didn't get her kite. She couldn't enjoy her ice cream, and I felt helpless to do anything about it. It, along with my sickness, and the pain in my side made me very sad. Sad because I couldn't do much of anything to help. I felt weak. I felt helpless and vulnerable. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to find her the best tasting chcolate iced cream, I wanted to buy her a shiny new kite that would never tear, and I didn't want to die.

Unfortunately, all I could do was cry. When we got back to my place, she sat down in my recliner and held her outstretched arms to me. I climbed onto her and she held me. I held her. I cried into her pretty nest of wonderful hair. She sat me down on the ground and held me as I sobbed for the better part of an hour. I was angry and sad - not at her - but at the greater forces of the universe. So many things, if they turned out differently, would make the world such a better place. Why don't they? Why can't pretty girls get their kites and their ice cream? Why do young men have to die? Why does anyone have to die? I don't want to die. I want Jennifer to have her kite and her iced cream. I want things to be better.