Table Of Contents

Chapter V - Intelligence Insults

This chapter is a bit more difficult, so I'll take you through it a bit more slowly. Okay? Good.

There are two major types of intelligence insults:

  1. The direct insult,
  2. The labyrinthine insult.

Let's start with number 1. The direct insult is as easy to apply as moisturizer. The only important thing to remember about this type of insult is the timing, you fucking idiot. Just kidding. The direct insult can stand on it's own, but is better when delivered after a blunder (linguistic or otherwise) by the target.

There are various ways of delivering this type of insult. The easiest is probably just throwing the target's mistake back at him, in the form of a question. This must be done in a sarcastic and derogatory tone.

  Jenny:" Yesterday I made a Freudian strip."
  John:" Oh, you made a Freudian strip, did you?"

This serves the purpose of bringing the mistake to the insultee's attention, and ridiculing him at the same time.

Blunders, however, are easy to come by - either by mishearing, misunderstanding or incorrectly analyzing the context of the target's "mistake".
You must take care not make any blunders during your insult, because then you will be the idiot. For example:

  Jenny: "Yesterday I made a Freudian strip."
  John: "Oh, you made a Freudian strip, did you?"
  Jenny "Yes, his name was Victor. "

Another way of delivering this insult - a much more direct way, is making a statement about the target's intelligence. This, of course can stand on its own.

  Sybil: "I went shopping yesterday, and I found that
          the stores had all run out of wine."
  Anthony: "You're just a dumb bitch, then, aren't you?"
Please note that this does not even have to be justified. In response to Sybil's obvious question, "Why does that make me an idiot?" Anthony must simply answer, "Because you are, bitch," thus delivering a crushing blow. Should Sybil continue on this now hopeless road of self-defense, we often find the final blow is not far away.
  Sybil: "Don't call me a bitch."
  Anthony: "Bitch."  
Thus Anthony, even though he is a Wop, comes out on top. (A good rhyme for insulting Wops).

On the other hand we find the labyrinthine insult, designed so as not to look like an insult. It's function is to make the target believe he is less intelligent than he thought he was the moment before the insult, thus leading to a lower self esteem. In order to employ this veritably malevolent intellectual manacle one must presently place oneself in such a linguistic, (or otherwise) position such as to subvert the gullible target's ego to a state of incoherence (by and of the ego) as to it's own capacities, and by so doing, incorporating the resources formerly allocated to the conscious part of the mind with the resources of the subconscious, which by now should be perturbed if not frustrated, thus intertwining the self-propagating web of confusion further. This could be undertaken by verbosity, (or sesquipedalianism), unusual weaving of grammar or numerous other obvious methods. As its name suggests, it is labyrinthine and therefore not common in its interpretation as an insult. However, the target will feel the same pangs of the insult as if you had called his mother a whore (which she is).

Back to Chapter IV - Parental Insults . . . Forward to Chapter VI - Body Insults