Lesbian Robot Vampires : All Shall be Victorias, None Shall Survive
On the 21st of February, 2003, Liz Harper, Who played Victoria on the soap opera Lesbian Robot Vampires, had a big fight with with her producer. There had been many fights before, and most of them were about Liz's work ethics. Liz often arrived late or drunk. On February 21, she did both. And to arrive drunk at eight thirty in the morning, when everyone else was there at six, takes some work. The producer did what any sensible producer would do. He fired her.
Soap opera contracts are complicated. Liz practically had tenure. Her contract said that if she was fired, she had to have 50 more hours of screen time, or two million dollars compensation. She had had a good lawyer, and the contract was drawn when Lesbian Robot Vampires seemed to be taking over the world and she was the undisputed star. 3 years had passed since then, but the contract remained. The producer was going to pay her the two million, because there was no way in hell that he was going to let her stay on for 50 more shows. But then he had a stroke of brillliance. Of course, this stroke of brilliance probably started the downward spiral which eventually led to the cancellation of Lesbian Robot Vampires, and possibly Hurricane Shaunice.
The producer's plan (if you have seen the episode in question, this will not come as a surprise to you), was to have the episode played almost entirely by Liz Harper. You see, in the previous episode (1954), Victoria had travelled to South America, for the marriage of Fate and Destiny. The episode had ended with Victoria being jealous of Fate and Destiny, who were scheming to enter her into their Lesbian Vampire Club. In this, the 1955th episode, entitled All Shall Be Victorias, None Shall Survive, Victoria dejectedly wanders into the Amazon Rainforest. A native (who, we would later learn, was sent by her evil twin half-brother, Kurt), shoots her with a blow gun. The dart's poison is a psychotic drug, which causes Victoria to hallucinate, and ultimately, kill herself. In her hallucinations, Victoria thinks she is in a place where everyone else is a carbon copy of herself. This means that there were usually 2-5 Liz's in a scene, but in one scene (the night club scene), there were as many as 120!!! Liz's . As soap opera camerawork requires mostly still camera shots, and many, many closeups, this would actually prove relatively very easy (and cheap) to do, special-effects-wise. In one episode, Liz got her 50 hours.
On this, the episode's 2 year anniversary, I have provided a part of the transcript of the episode, from when Victoria begins her hallucinations:
Victoria, Victoria, and Victoria are standing around the bed, where Victoria is lying down.
Victoria : I... What happened? Where am I?
Victoria : You're in the hospital. You hit your head.
Victoria : You need some rest. The doctor said you'll be fine.
Victoria : Where is Victoria?
Victoria : I'm sorry, Victoria, she left. She's not coming back.
Victoria : Did she go alone? She couldn't have gone with... (gasp)... Victoria?
Victoria : I'm sorry.
Victoria enters
Victoria : Hi, how are you doing today, Victoria? I'm your doctor, Victoria.
Victoria : My head hurts.
Victoria : You have a small concussion. We just want you to stay for observation a few more hours, and then you are free to go.
Victoria : Thanks doctor.
Victoria : Say, doctor, could I have a word with you outside?
Victoria and Victoria leave.
In the hallway.
Victoria : She'll be alright, won't she?
Victoria : Yes, I think she'll be fine.
Victoria : Tell me, doctor, what do you do when you're not in the hospital?
Victoria : I like to dance. I'm going to the LRV dance club tonight. Would you like to come?
Victoria : I'd love to.
Several closeups with subtle eyebrow raises and lip clenches.
At Victoria's house: Victoria talks to Victoria and Victoria.
Victoria : I think Victoria was hitting on the doctor today.
Victoria : I think so too, but didn't the doctor look too suspiciously familiar?
Victoria : You're right, I'm sure I've seen her before.
Victoria : Oh, wait, I remember. Didn't we see her in the car park with Victoria two nights ago?
Victoria : That's right! Oh no. What did Victoria get herself into?
Closeups of several worried Victorias.
Victoria and Victoria and in an office.
Victoria : I have a date with Victoria tonight. I'm taking her to the club.
Victoria : How did you manage that?
Victoria : She practically asked me.
Victoria : She still thinks you're a doctor right?
Victoria : Of course.
Several closeups of the conniving Victorias.
Victoria and Victoria are alone in the foyer.
Victoria : Hi.
Victoria : I see you're wearing the necklace.
Victoria : Oh, Victoria, it's so beautiful. Why don't you take off your coat?
Victoria : I'm sorry, I can't.
Victoria : You're rejecting me?
Victoria : Of course not, I have to meet Victoria in 15 minutes. She'll suspect something if I'm late.
Victoria : Isn't it time you told her about us?
Victoria : I can't, not until Victoria comes clean to Victoria about having the affair with Victoria. You know I want to, but this jeopardizes our whole plan.
Victoria : When can I see you again?
Victoria : Tonight.
Closeups of lustful smiles.
The club scene is probably the most famous scene of Lesbian Robot Vampires. 120 Victorias all filling up the same room was actually a lot more difficult to do than they originally thought. Back To The Future III had several Michael J. Fox's in the same shot, with a moving camera, so a still shot should prove much easier. But, The Matrix's special effects were WAY too expensive for a daytime soap opera, and the 120 Victorias had to be placed so that they wouldn't overlap. 108 spots were painted on the floor, and Liz danced on each spot without straying from it for 10 minutes. Thus, it was ensured the dancing Victorias didn't overlap. 10 Victorias moved freely on non-intersecting lines on the floor, and the 2 main Victorias (Victoria and Victoria) were in the foreground, and free to move as they wished. The scene was darkened to simulate a night club, which made the editing much easier.
Due to copyright restrictions, I cannot offer much more of the transcript. So I'll just outline the continuation of the story. Victoria and Victoria have a good time in the night club, but Victoria doesn't know Victoria is actually using her to get at Victoria. Meanwhile, Victoria, Victoria and Victoria do some investigating and discover who Victoria really is. They find Victoria who confesses she did it out of love and agrees to help them save Victoria. Meanwhile Victoria suspects Victoria of cheating with Victoria and gets overly friendly with Victoria herself. Victoria, Victoria, Victoria and Victoria then go to the night club to find Victoria and Victoria. But they are too late. Victoria and Victoria have already gone to find Victoria. Victoria is in her room. Thinking that Victoria knows the truth, (although she doesn't), Victoria can't live with herself any more, and swallows a bottle of pills. Victoria, Victoria and Victoria find her just after she swallowed the pills, but it's too late. The three begin to fade, as they cease to exist. Then we see the other Victorias fade away, too, one after the other, until they are all gone, and only one Victoria remains, dead. The scene changes to her South America Hotel. We see Victoria lying in the same position as before, a bottle of pills at her side.
The last scene is of a gurney with a covered body being taken out of the hotel and into an ambulance. Everyone is standing in the entrance, watching it being taken away. There are closeups on most faces, especially Fate and Destiny. The final closeup is on Kurt, the evil twin half-brother. A half-smile forms on his lips.
Is it because he killed his twin half-sister or is he a ROBOT?!?!?!?!?
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