Until I figure out what to do with these jokes (some of which are quite good), I've removed all the other humour nodes, and will keep it all here for a short while. Thanks you for your patience.

tomorrow's humour

I don't know whether this is a good idea or not, so I'm trying it out. It's really tough to post humour on E2, as it usually has to be under node titles like How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?, which is both annoying, and unreachable.

I personally like to get a daily dose of fact and a daily dose of humour here on E2. I had a talk with moJoe a while back, and he agreed (actually he brought it up) that fact and humour are the cornerstones of E2. So why not make it more easily accessible?

Enough rambling. Now for a disclaimer: E2 is a very PC place. So if you are a sensitive person who can't stand non-PC jokes, please don't read the NPC jokes. I do not mean to offend anyone. It's all in jest.

PC jokes
  • My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?"
    I said, "No."
    She said, "Okay, forget it."
  • Q: What do you call a dog with 4" legs and 6" steel balls?
    A: Sparky
  • Q: What is the first letter in yellow?
    A: Y.
    Because I want to know.
NPC jokes
  • Q: What is blonde, has six legs and roams Michael Jackson's dream every night?
    A: Hanson
  • If a man is talking in the woods, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • Q: What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
    A: Sexual harassment.
  • Q: What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
    A: $3.99 a minute.
Todays Humourous Node referral: Why did the chicken cross the road?


yesterday's humour tomorrow's humour

Today's disclaimer: The NPC jokes are not PC, so if you are offended by such humour (or as you would put it "That's NOT funny"), don't read them. Because of all the PC-ness on E2 I'm a bit concerned about putting non-PC jokes here. I'm not concerned about downvotes, I just don't want anyone to hate me for the wrong reasons. I don't mind anyone hating me for the right reasons, but not racism, anti-semitism, chauvenism, feminism... you get the idea. So I did warn you. Today I will be offending Mexicans and blondes."

PC jokes
NPC Jokes
  • Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
    A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
  • Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
    A: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
  • Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
    A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Today's Humorous Node referral: The World's Shortest Joke


yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away . . . . . for tomorrow is another day

Today's disclaimer: Today I will not have a PC humour section. As a tribute to the middle east crisis, I will be offending Jews and Arabs. If you are offended by non-PC jokes, don't read on. Also, if you speak Arabic, I apologize profusely for the incorrectness of the language. Arabic, Yiddish - it's all the same to me.

Jews
  • Q: What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a wall?
    He breaks his nose.
  • How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband?
    She has a headache with the milkman.
  • Two beggars were sitting next to each other. One holds a sign saying "Please help the war veteran", and the other holds a sign saying "Please help a poor Jew".
    People pass by and even those who didn't intend to give money to any of them, give to the first to upset the Jew. One good man passes by, gives money equally to both, and then says to the Jew: "Why don't you change your sign? Don't you understand that nobody will give you any money?" and walks away.
    As he goes, the Jew turns to the other one and says: "Chaim, he would teach us business..."
  • A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
    "Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."
    "What did you do?" asked the father.
    "I turned to God for the answer" replied the Rabbi.
    "And what did he say?" pressed the father.
    "God said, 'Funny you should come to me...' "
Arabs
Useful phrases for Arab travel Today's humorous node referral: how many "how many..." jokes does it take to make a metanode?


yesterday, when I was mad . . . . . . I love you, tomorrow

Today's disclaimer: The PC jokes are not always too PC, but they shouldn't offend anyone. The NPC (non-PC) should not offend racists, bigots, chauvenists and anyone who is not Pee-Wee Herman. (In that order).

PC Jokes
NPC Jokes
  • Q: How did the Germans capture Poland so easily?
    A: They marched in backwards and said they were leaving.
  • A store opened in Harlem offering a "decolorization" process, which promised to lighten even the darkest skin and eyes - for $99.
    Otis and Tyrone saved up their money, and Otis dragged his friend to the shop with him. In he went, emerging half an hour later with white skin and blond hair.
    Tyrone's eyes bulged. "Hey, man, you look fine. Listen, I only got 98 dollars, can you spare me the extra dollar?"
    Otis' blue eyes narrowed. "Get a job," he snapped.
  • Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
  • Q: What 3 famous people were shot in the back of the head?
    A: Lincoln, Kennedy and the guy sitting in front of Pee-Wee.
Today's Humorous Node referral: the funniest thing ever on The Simpsons


yesterday is only a click away ... I'll be back

Today' special:

Elephant jokes
I am assuming you know the following:
Q: How many elephants fit in a VW bug?
A: Four: two in the front, two in the back
Q: How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
A: 1) Open the door 2) Put the elephant in 3) Close the door
Q: How do you put a giraffe in a fridge in 4 steps?
A: 1) Open the door 2) Take out the elephant 3) Put the giraffe in 4) Close the door
Q: The lion called a meeting of all the animals. Who didn't attend?
A: The giraffe; it was in the fridge
Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
A: Sheep.

  • Q: What is grey and not there?
    A: No elephant.
  • Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
    A: four: two in the front, two in the back.
  • Q: What's the difference between an elephant and a cherry?
    A: The colour.
  • Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
    A: Depends on the number of elephants.
  • Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
    A: Lots of room.
  • Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
    A: "Oh no, here comes aherd of elephants over the hill!"
  • Q: What did Jane say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
    A: "Oh no, here comes a herd of cherries over the hill!" (Jane's colour blind)
  • Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
    A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.
  • Q: What is a furry alligator?
    A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
  • Q: Why are pygmies so short?
    A: They can't tell time.
  • Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
    A: Sir.


I've got 90,000 pounds in my pyjamas ... I've got 40,000 French Francs in my fridge

Today we have:

Drummer Jokes
First, in order to understand these, you must realise 3 important facts about drummers:
  1. Drummers are dumb
  2. Drummers have a lousy sense of time
  3. Drummers are lousy musicians
These facts are agreed upon by the music community
Thanks to OGI dep. of CS & eng.


before ... and ... after

Before you read the jokes:
What to do if you are offended by today's jokes? Well, think of it this way: if you upvote me, I'll get to level 6 faster, which means I'll put a picture of myself on my homenode faster, which means you'll be able to find me faster.

Beer Jokes