Note: What follows is cutesy baby stuff which tends to make non-baby toting people want to gack. I know, because I haven't had a baby around for the last 16 years and that's generally what things like this did to me. Now I'm writing cutesy baby stuff. *sigh* All I can say in my defense is, well, she IS really cute...
Daddy Learns to Change Magdalena
Once upon a time there was a new Daddy. He was a very new Daddy and he had a very new baby. The very new baby was a very beautiful little girl. She was the most beautiful girl in all the land. Her name was Magdalena.
One day, the new Daddy met Magdalena at the park. Even though Magdalena was a little baby, she was not only the most beautiful little girl in all the land, she was also the brightest and the smartest.
It was absolutely not her fault that the grown-ups of her world had not yet figured out ways to take care of all her needs instantly and understand her language completely. This caused occasional complications.
After all, she knew what she needed to do and what she wanted at all times. These large people that surrounded her were obviously slow. It was very, very hard for Magdalena to be patient. Who could blame her if sometimes she became cranky with them?
But back to our story:
At the park Magdalena found to her dismay that once again, she needed to be something that the large ones called ‘changed’. This made no sense. She knew perfectly well she was perfect just as she was and didn’t need to be changed into anything else. All she really needed was for someone to get the wet yucky piece of cloth off of her bottom.
“Take this wet yucky piece of cotton off of me right now you big people!” Magdalena demanded, perfectly clearly.
“Wahhhh! Grrrrgg! Arrrrrr! MMmmmaaaa!” Big Daddy heard Magdalena say, perfectly clearly.
Magdalena saw her Daddy looking at her with that dopey look on his face that most of the big people tended to get around her and settled in for a long, damp wait.
Why they couldn’t figure out a way for her to accomplish this “changing” all by herself was beyond her, but if you took into account the way this "Daddy" was looking at her, she guessed it all made a certain kind of sense. He didn't look very bright.
She tried again: “I said, I’ve got a wet diaper here!!! A little help please??”
Her Daddy heard: “Ggggrrrrryyyg ammmmmrrrr! Wwwwgggg?!! And promptly picked her up and made funny faces at her and patted her back. Magdalena sighed to herself. Time to break out the big guns.
“Diaper! Diaper! Wet! Wet! Diaper! Wet! Can’t you understand ANYTHING??? (Repeat, repeat, repeat, etc.)
Finally, after being passed around from Daddy, to Tamar, then to Mommy, someone finally figured it out. "Thank goodness", thought Magdalena. "Sheesh."
But then, it seemed it was Daddy who decided he wanted to “change” her. This was slightly worrying. Mommy had managed to change her many times, and she always managed this delicate process without changing her into a toaster or a frog or a tomato. This Daddy person didn’t look too sure about this whole operation. What if he changed her from a perfect little girl into a telephone pole or a carrot?
The maneuvers commenced. Magdalena decided she would give him the benefit of the doubt. He was her Daddy after all. Plus, there seemed to be much hilarity going on between Mommy and Tamar at his efforts (and they didn't even like each other) and she was sure that one or both of them would turn HIM into a pile of poop if he even looked like he was going to change her into an armadillo.
“Gawd”, Magdalena thought to herself. “This is taking FOREVER.” He seemed to be doing okay, though. She kept looking at her arms and hands and feet and they seemed to be going through the ‘change’ okay. They still looked like the perfect little girl pieces she knew she had and not pieces of a police car or a fire truck.
Finally, Daddy was done and she was nice and dry. All this had worn her out, frankly, and she decided she would take a nap. Training grown-ups was hard work.
“It’s been real you guys. I’m glad you didn’t change me into an elephant” she told everyone present.
Daddy heard “Wooorgle wooooh bahhhhhhhh! Gllllgggggshhh!”
Magdalena promptly fell asleep.