I suppose that I must have lived a terribly sheltered life, because it wasn't until I went to college that I first discovered this interesting subset of bathroom graffiti. I've been on many roadtrips, mostly with my parents, and as such I've seen the phone numbers scribbled by the urinal, the names written down, the lewd come ons and vulgar swear words. But in the Math/Psychology Building of UMBC, I found something a little more cultured. After doing my business, I quickly went to obtain my notebook in order to write these gems down.

This has grown a bit since I first wrote this up, so I guess it's time for a little organization, by theme.

On the nature of gas and defecation...

Here I sit,
Broken hearted
Come to shit,
But only farted

Some come here to sit and wonder
I come here to shit like thunder
              Brought to my attention by StrawberryFrog

On the subject of the toilet itself, and the aquarious nature of the seat thereon...
Be an adult, not a kid
Hit the toilet, not the lid

If you sprinkle when you tinkle
Be a sweetie and wipe the seatie
              Brought to my attention by StrawberryFrog

Saturate your actions with
Love and understanding
Embrace uniqueness
Make yourself proud
Beware of conforming without known reason
And for God's Sake
              Some really bad free verse here, but I think it can still qualify as poetry...

Two Haikus...
Sublime shit release
But I feel the toilet's tears
Soil my guilty ass
              -- Written on the first sheet of toilet paper

You see before you
A toilet-paper haiku.
Ah, but is it art?
              -- Written on the second sheet of toilet paper

Both of the above submitted by Kenshi

On where to aim...
In the days of old when the knights were bold
And toilets were not invented
They dropped their load upon the road
And went off quite contented

If your hose is too short
And your pump is too weak
Stand a bit closer
Or you'll pee on your feet

Anyone can piss over the floor
Be a Man! Piss on the ceiling!
              The previous was written in elaborate, VERY fancy English calligraphy

Be a Man! Shit onto the ceiling!
              vuo adds a variation on the previous little gem

A little bit of homoerotica...
A hand job's a man's job
A blow job is yo' job
              Brought to my attention by mountain dew
Commentary on poetry itself...
They paint these walls to cover my pen
But the bathroom poet strikes again!
(Paint them purple next time!)

He who writes on bathroom walls
Rolls his shit in little balls
He who reads those words of wit
Eats those little balls of shit
              drenehtsral brings this particular kink to light

Lovely. Just lovely. Whew. Now to step outside and grab some fresh air...

I would not be opposed to being msg'd with any additions you might like to make to this list, or perhaps some additions you might like to make to my school's bathroom. (Hey, if it's quality work, you can't REALLY call it graffiti, right? Then it's CULTURE!)