Story #1:

When you're driving at night down the backroads of some town and you encounter deer crossing the road. So you stop. And they stop too. And they look at you and just stand there in a stony-like fashion. Honking the horn doesn't do anything (sometimes it'll startle the baby deer). The only thing that will start the deer moving again is shutting off your lights--which is really bad at night because other drivers aren't going to see you stopped in the middle of the road with no lights on.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, the situation sucks. I have yet to discover a better solution.

Story #2: Isomorphically similar

You've brought this wonderful woman home--maybe you've been dating for a week or two or something. You're really enjoying her company, the sweetness of her breath is becoming intoxicating (assuming you aren't inebriated already). The candle light shimmers off the locks of her hair. And she bends towards you filling your vision until you have to close your eyes. Lips and kisses and flesh merge and clothes begin to peel. And then she lays back and ...

What the fuck? She turns to stone with this weird look on her face and stops moving just like a deer in headlights.

Awkward is too nice and simple a word to describe what's going on. I'm trying to think, "Should I fuck her and get it over with so she doesn't feel bad? Should I put my clothes on and immediately enter myself into a complex conversation about sex and how it's a dance and involves TWO people--not one person and a statue?--a conversation I'm not very qualified to carry without causing a catastrophic incident. Shit..."

But I don't get it. There's enough pornography in the world that everyone should have some semblance of how to engage in a dirty dance--it's not lie down stony-faced like a deer in headlights until it's over. I have no clue how you tell someone, "That's the worst sex ever--you have to participate a bit more next time." I've been slapped around enough to know that's a bad bad thing to say.