user since
Sun Feb 19 2006 at 16:43:01 (12.4 years ago )
last seen
Sun Feb 19 2006 at 17:19:25 (12.4 years ago )
level / experience
1 (Initiate)
mission drive within everything
Flashy Dresser
onsite workrelease
Don't git Caught!
Send private message to Fartblossum

I am my Daddy's nephew. He is a pork hauling truck driver out of Eastern Kentucky. He goes to Liberal, Kansas and back every day. It's a long way and he's never home. Except for sometimes when he gets frisky. Then he used to come and get us and takes me an Mama and my six sisters to town. He buys us all beer and cigarettes and whiskey and cigars for himself. He takes us to Burger King and gets us cheeseburgers but makes us wait in the truck cause he said we might embarass him. Did you know that cheeseburgers were invented in Lousville, Kentucky? That's funny because that's where Colonel Harlan Sanders is from and he invented Fried Chicken franchises, you know, Kentucky Fried Chicken.
My Uncle is my Daddy because he married Mama and had my step brother Elbert buy Mama's sister Flossie Mae. Daddy says he likes both of them but must remain faithful to his true love, my Mama. Her name is Fern June. Her maiden name was Basser. She has twelve brothers, Billy, Bobby, Bandy, Buddy, Bubba, Bunny, Boony, Brandy, Bootsy, Binky, Brinkley, and Elmer. She says Elmer sucked hind tit. (What ever that means!).
We grew up poor, but we never knew we was poor. We had crackers and water some days and some days we had beans and rice. Sometimes we had chicken stew and sometimes we had Mama's surprise. I liked the beans best. They nicknamed me "Fartblossum" when I was little, 'cause on Saturday nights when I took a bath in the wash tub right after eatin' beans for supper, I would act like a motor boat! Toot! Toot!
It sure was fun growin' up in the hills and I sure do miss it now that I'm in the pennitentury. What I wouldn't give to be back home with my wife Lucy Lue and little twelve year old Sadie Sue. I remember wakin' up in the mornin's and her sayin', "Git off me Daddy, yer mashin' mah cigerettes!". That little Sadie Sue sure was sumptin'.
Anyway, that's who I is. So, how are you? C'mon by sometime and we'll chew some backker!
Inmate # 1200348
Cell Block "C-3"
Leavenworth Prison
Leavenworth, Kansas