Gee, I feel misled. I thought this node was going to contain some new, fabulous tips on how to quickly make the tasty alcoholic beverage. But since it's about the more mundane vagaries of oral sex (a practice I'm entirely too well acquainted with) I feel compelled to pass on a few helpful hints I've managed to pick up in my years as a degenerate.
1.
Teeth are bad. Although an occasional light
nibble can be an excellent erotic technique, I do not recommend a novice
fellatrix (or fellator) try this. In any event, constant
scraping is almost always an unpleasant thing.
2. If your
gag reflex is strong, for
God's sake don't try to cram it down your throat! While
deep throating may look nifty in your classier
porn films, the sounds of
gagging and
retching are not especially conducive to sexual
aesthetics. In addition, vomiting on your partner's
belly is most often frowned upon.
3. Practice! Attempting to suck
Wendy's Frostees through a
coffee stirrer and trying to eat a
banana without chewing are good ways of increasing your prowess.
4. Ignore what sex manuals say about
ice cubes, they're almost always
unpleasant. Try
creme de menthe instead.
5. If you dislike the
taste of semen, watch for warning signs so you can politely remove your mouth before orgasm. Many men give subtle warning signs upon approaching orgasm, like pointing their toes, rolling their eyes back in their heads and shouting, "
Oh my God, I'm cumming". Careful attention to detail can save you from an
embarassing scene. Remember,
spitting is always rude.