ego suppressant (thing)

Now in great pill format!

Although the FDA will never approve this ego suppressant, it works like a charm! First, remove the (child proof) cap, remove one pill, and throw it at your local ego problem!

While the pill itself is nothing but caffeine (thus tormenting your subject while s/he lies in bed (read on)), the included brochure explains everything you need to know.

Directions directly from brochure:

1. Spend time learning very personal things about your egomaniac.
2. Eventually learn their greatest fear.
   • Various fears that are suitable for this task are:
     1. Failing in school or work
     2. becoming sexually unattractive
     3. complete loss of friends
     4. losing status of resident geek
   • The fear should usually be tied to what creates the person's ego.
3. Find a way to make this worst fear come true, though preferably only "true" to the egomaniac. In other words, trick him/her.
4. If the egomaniac honestly believes that his/her fear has come true, a very hot feeling should come about the person's face, and make thinking very cloudy.
5. At night, the person will probably be thinking of ways to reverse damage, so they will:
   • Lose sleep
   • Keep picking at the "wound"
   • Dream about it (people usually dream about the thing they were thinking of immediately before sleep)

With any luck, your target will lose the incredible ego that made you feel strongly enough to give this "medicine." If not... well, this isn't a guarantee.

Warning: if you follow the steps in this writeup, you run the risk of being marked an asshole.