I'm developing an oddly antagonistic relationship with one of the security guards at my office. Whenever he sees me, he makes some stupid comment like "Smile, it can't be that bad" or "Still not happy today?" or "What's the matter?", all with the annoying grin of a kindly grandfather whom you suspect secretly knows full well that he is driving you insane.

Some background: I admit, I get this a lot. First of all, I'm not a morning person. Secondly, I tend to look like I'm frowning when I'm thinking about something. And I'm usually thinking about something because my brain has no "idle" mode. Which is probably why I have insomnia. Which probably contributes to my not being a morning person. Life is so circular.

Anyway, so I've just completed the drive to work (I hate driving because it's so boring), I've walked the quarter-mile from the back parking lot, and by this time the lack of external stimulus has caused me to burrow into some abstract train of thought about something. It doesn't matter what. It's probably a lead-in to whatever I'm going to think/surf about in between actually working today to keep me from going insane.

But right now I'm just thinking and trudging up to the building. Pull out my ID card to swipe through the slot, and I catch movement in my peripheral vision, don't notice because I'm THINKING, dammit, until I hear the voice from the golf cart that makes me cringe:

"Cheer up!"


I tried being polite at first, when this all started, even with a fake smile. I've tried explaining that I'm not a morning person. But for some reason this didn't work and instead it became a personal vendetta for him. Whenever he sees me, he has to make a comment about my cheerfulness and lack thereof.

A few days ago I finally snapped and said "You need to pick a new victim," before stomping into the building.

It didn't make any difference.