Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard
It feels so good to be home. I mean, I love college, but it's harder than I ever imagined to be away from my family. Especially because sometimes I can't wait to get away from them. I got home, and all Shug’s things were in the living room. It was weird, but I fed the hamster, got out a library book and started to read. I got hungry, so I opened the fridge. Nothing. I opened the freezer, and there was a Tupperware container of some frozen food that Shug had made, with its masking tape label with the name of the dish and the date. And I started to cry. I’m probably the only person in the world that’s been brought to tears by frozen lima beans, but it happens, I guess. And I went out to the garage and looked in the deep freeze, still crying but still hungry, found more Shug food and cried harder. I hate crying. It always makes me feel so weak. For the first time in I don’t know how long, I crawled into bed with my Mama. And I just lie there with her stroking my face and telling me that it was going to be okay, and I cried. The dog licked my foot, apparently decided that I was okay, and went back to sleep. And then I thought the tears were ebbing, so I kissed my mother goodnight and let her sleep. Then, walking into the living room again, there it was. Her toiletries. The paintings from her bedroom of Paris along the river. The velour and silk and brocade suits from her closet. The pictures of she and Granddaddy Sam when they were first married. Cassette tapes. Wigs from when she was taking chemotherapy treatments. The endtables from her living room. And seeing it all there, when it should’ve been in Terre Haute with her house, I started to cry again. And I couldn’t stop myself from pressing my face into the soft velour of one of her evening suits and inhaling the fading scent of her perfume. And I miss her. More than anything, I just miss her.