Petal-Chi is a electronic toy made by Tiger Toys, a division of Hasbro. It has a very simple LED screen for a face that makes about five different facial expressions, petals and leaves that move, and a base that moves so that the Petal-Chi can dance. It is able to detect sound and motion, which activates its ability to "sing" and "dance." The Petal-Chi comes with a watering can, but is not equipped with an on/off button, which is unfortunate considering exactly how annoying it is.

The Petal-Chi requires constant attention. It beeps all the time; when it wants water, when it needs you to talk with it, and when it is in between "stages". If you do not pay it attention for over three minutes, it goes to sleep and eventually dies.

This creature of Satan only says two words: Love and Yay. As harmless as this sounds, please remember that the Petal-Chi requires constant attention, and does not stop talking, ever. So after several hours of hearing these two words, it gets to be slightly irritating.

You may have wondered what "stages" it goes through. When first turned on, the Petal-Chi only makes a limited number of sounds. It only makes beeping noises, fooling you into thinking that it is a harmless and fun toy for children. Do not be deceived. This is merely the infant stage of Petal-Chi. Much like a human baby, all it does is ask for liquids and cry. Soon after getting these things, the Petal-Chi moves onto it's next stage. In this stage, it sings a limited amount of meaningless songs. This is when you will begin to understand the full power of this electronic demon. But the worst is yet to come, when it moves onto it's third and final stage. Now, the Petal-Chi knows songs. It starts off by singing nursery rhymes. It then moves onto three other "characters:" Young Lady, Teenage Rocker, and Awkward Chap. During each character, it learns ten new songs, all of which are sung with the only two words that it knows. This is when you fully understand the complexity of its evil. The only reprieve that you get is when it finally dies. But even then, there is spite and rage left for the Petal-Chi to deliver. As it passes on to Petal-Chi hell, it sings the funeral march only using the word yay.

After caring for my Petal-Chi through all of these stages, out of morbid curiosity, I am fully disgusted with the creative minds at Tiger Toys. Feeling slighted and robbed, I wrote a letter to them, which follows:

Dear Tiger Toys:

I am very disappointed with the Petal-Chi product. Not only does it know two words, but they are both highly annoying. Not equipping this toy with an on/off button is punishment to every parent who purchases this for their child. I would rather use your product for "durability and gravity" testing than for something to give to any child.


A pissed off Petal-Chi owner

Sufficiently happy with myself as a consumer, I then took the Petal-Chi outside and killed the evil beast with my Hello Kitty baseball bat. I hope that, in the event you ever purchase this minion of Beezelbub, you choose to do the same.

Thank you.