Well, it's almost here. The day we've all been waiting for. But are you ready for it? I know I am:

  • I have my official "USA 9/11" team jersey ($79.99 from Reebok)

  • My Getting over the 9/11 Tragedy with Inane Amounts of Vivid Photographic Reproductions picture book, by I.Q. Twit (Random House, $19.95)

  • My official 9/11 lunchbox (Hasbro, $9.99)

  • My official 9/11 Memorial/Anti-Stress Candle (Bath and Body Works, $12.99)

  • My official 9/11 t-shirt (Haynes, $24.99)

  • My official 9/11 Doll - a plush Dubya with a string in the back that makes him repeat "I will never forget" over and over in a high obsessive falsetto (Fisher Price, $39.99)

  • My TV tuned to the official 9/11 24-hour news channel (CNN, 20 commericals an hour)

  • My official 9/11 Microwave Popcorn (Wal-Mart, $2.99).

  • Hell, I even had my doctor write me a prescription for some Official 9/11 Anti-Depressants (Numindum Pharmaceuticals, $112 for 30 tablets).

I can't wait!