Sometimes I wonder why I beat myself over a girl I'm not even actively trying to get, by most people's standards. I thought I'd compile a list, maybe it'll be enough to get me off my ass. Maybe it'll make me smile whenever I load up E2.

I do it because...

  1. of the way, at the start of first year, people thought she was a lesbian... I was so happy when I found out she wasn't.
  2. sometimes, I'll catch her with an expression on her face that can't possibly correspond to any real human emotion, and I want to know what that's about.
  3. of the way she sings to herself when she walks, like I used to until a girl I liked razzed me for it.
  4. the day I decided she was perfect, I saw her imperfections and didn't change my mind.
  5. sometimes when I catch her looking into my eyes I get the feeling she can actually see what's behind them.
  6. when I look her into her eyes I can't.
  7. as much as I tell myself it's not a physical attraction, I know damn well it is.
  8. when Pete made a comment at Dionysus I was scared that he'd get there first, even though the idea wasn't in my mind at that point.
  9. that last part of that last one is a total lie.
  10. I don't think I've ever seen her wearing anything but cords, and that's awesome.
  11. she took Carlos Escude seriously, and got me to see his ideas from a new angle.
  12. I get the feeling she'd understand my ideas if I could only get them straight in my own head.
  13. maybe I hope she could help me do that.
  14. I like girls with short hair and have never met anyone who pulls it off better than her.
  15. every time I'm afraid I've build up a construct of her that doesn't correspond to reality, her reality corresponds to my constructs.
  16. she listens to music I've never heard of, just like I listen to music no one else has ever heard of.
  17. when I lost my last $10 in my apartment, she bought me drinks all night (note to self: return that favour)
  18. when I can't sleep at night it's because I'm thinking about her, and when I do fall asleep it's for the same reason.
  19. I know everything I've seen of her is only a tiny fraction of what there actually is.
  20. I thought, at one point or another, both her roommates were the nexus of cool, but then I realized it was her.
  21. of the way I'll say I feel comfortable around her when I really feel awkward as hell, and that contradiction doesn't bother me.