I feel like I am losing her. I've lost her as a girlfriend, as someone who loves me. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but now, I hardly talk to her, even though I want to more than anything. Sure, she doesn't love me, but I do. I want her to trust me again, talk to me all the time again.
I don't know what I did to deserve this, it goes from her kissing me, saying she is safe, secure, happy around me, to dumping me 3 days later.
I don't know.
I cried for an hour again last night, just like I have for the past 10 days. Maybe I'm just a baby, no that's not it. She said she'd love me forever and always and all that sappy stuff, but it was earnest just like when I said she was beautiful, because she IS. She sounded like she meant it when she said it, she did mean it then. I don't know what went wrong.
Maybe 100% wasn't enough, maybe I wasn't nice enough. I mean, I dedicated myself to her. I didn't neglect her, we never fought, never yelled, I never hit her. I loved her and I still do. This is why it sucks, because it just suddenly ended, because I tried my hardest, I cared as much as possible and it failed. I had no idea it was coming. I lost something that I care for more than anything, am I supposed to be happy? I think I should be depressed, I worked my hardest and couldn't even do this right. It's so sad, because I want more than anything for it to work out...but there is nothing I can do. It's not obsession, I don't lie. I said I loved her and I meant it.
All the times when she went out of her way to see me. All the things we did together...that was just "friend" stuff? No, I'm not talking about making out, I'm talking about going out of every weekend, doing things with her. Her getting excited to see me during the week at the mall, asking her mom for a ride...it's so depressing.
Damnit all to hell.