1. If I wanted pain I'd get back together with my ex.
  2. Satan stole my running shoes.
  3. Why ruin a good hair day?
  4. I'm not licenced to operate heavy machinery.
  5. Lycra brings me out in a rash.
  6. It's Sunday, the day of rest, if I exercise today, I'll burn in hell for eternity.
  7. I spent $10,000 on a car and I should walk?
  8. I need to spend some quality time with my new mattress.
  9. I'm having a birthday-- sometime this year.
  10. What, stop noding?