This tale begins a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

For reasons that seemed good to me at the time, I got an AOL account. I logged on as, and immediately was barraged with "instant messages" from total strangers demanding answers to a small set of same dumb questions.

In self-defense, I acquired the screen name "SJF 1959." My logic was that this would answer the four dumbest questions without requiring any repetitious typing on my part. This did not cut down the barrage of the same ten tedious questions.

So I created a FAQ, with the answers to the ten most popular questions from total strangers, plus a bonus question.

Here is the exact text:

1) Are you single?


2) Are you Jewish?


3) Are you female?


4) How old are you?

You can answer that by subtracting 1959 from the current year.

5) Do you have a GIF?


6) Will you send me your GIF?

Probably not.

7) What do you look like?

Average. Somebody has to score medium on the Conventional Good Looks scale.

8) Are you interested in cybersex?


9) Are you interested in phone sex?


10) Will you date me / sleep with me / marry me?

Really, now! Please slow down.

11) Are you tired of answering these questions?


I still got the same ten tedious questions via "instant message" from total strangers.

So I blocked all incoming "instant messages."