Music and poetry are full of references to really evil exes. Especially in country music, where the singer's ex typically takes everything but the walls of the house and the dog. However, at least in my case, I get along really well with most of my exes. Probably because our breakups were less about screaming and accusing each other of horrible things and more about quietly saying "This isn't working, is it?" Oddly enough, this somehow has let me remain friends with people who're very important to me.

Last weekend, my ex Ian came to see me. I picked him up at the train station, we went out to dinner, and then watched a movie. We went to bed and cuddled. Nothing sexual happened. We talked for about two hours. I cried. He told me a lot of things that I needed to hear, and we calmly discussed some of the problems with our relationship, including the things that finally killed it.

All in all, it made for a very good, albeit intense, experience. It couldn't have happened if we'd parted on bad terms. If either of us had been a dickhead about the breakup, we both would have lost the opportunity to learn more about ourselves, and hopefully become better partners in the future.

And the overall point: If possible, stay on good terms with people you've been intimate with. They can be very vaulable resources.