I feel oddly detached today. My life, it seems, is composed mostly of pathetic irony. I'm absolutely terrified of change and, given the chance, I'd stop the progress of time without a second thought - yet I find myself constantly in search of things to do. What I wouldn't give for something to kill some time. I guess this, too, can be traced back to her. Change breaks people apart and that's all I'm truly scared of, but at the same time, I tend to live my daily life trying to occupy myself until I can see her again. I know, I'm hopelessly obsessed, but that's just the kind of person I am.

I had a very disturbing dream this morning and spent a good three hours writing up a log of it. I had originally planned to post this in the daily Dream Log, but it's a bit too personal, so for now it will remain on my hard drive, witnessing stray fragments of data drift around as the ages pass. That is, until I rediscover it sometime in the future and read back through it, laughing silently at the horrible quality of my writing.

That's the aspect of e2 that keeps me here, really. Okay, so I like to read other people's stuff too, but the site's agelessness is what keeps me from simply logging out and letting my account rot away unto oblivion. I'm having real trouble finding worthwhile things to write about, which makes me think that perhaps I'll never make it to level 2, and it's bit frustrating. However, because of the huge community that's developed here, I can trust that this site will be around for a long, long time. That's a very seductive prospect to me, because I know that anything I write which actually makes it on to the site will remain there. Who knows? Perhaps hundreds of years after my death, (assuming the human race hasn't wiped itself out by then) people will log onto e2 and be able to laugh at the poor quality of my writing. I guess they could enjoy what I have to say too, or perhaps learn something, but that seems unlikely. Regardless, the idea that something I do could last so long is an infinitely cool idea to me.