What mutual masturbation is all about.
Mutual masturbation is most of all fun. You might also actually learn a thing or two in the bargain as well. Although many people think of masturbation as a solo activity, adding your partner into the mix can lead to some great fun and games and give the whole masturbation experience a new dimension.
What the two (or three? or more???) of you actually do when you are mutually masturbating is actually not clearly defined. As well as the common notion, that both partners are masturbating the other simultaneously, there are other practices that also fall into the mutual masturbation category. If two partners sit or lie next to each other, both only touching themselves but letting the other one watch, this is also considered mutual masturbation in a sense. Also, if the partners pleasure each other in turns, this can also be considered as mutual masturbation.
The key words to mutual masturbation are communication and openness. Many people still feel that masturbation is something that should only be done in private and this is especially true when it comes to us girls, I guess. It's just the way many of us were brought up, and overcoming that can take a lot of willpower.
So, be encouraging towards your partner. Tell us how good it makes you feel to watch us as we share our most intimate act. Set the mood and take your time, this is not a race and is something that should be taken slowly and gently. Take small steps at first if you are both unsure until your confidence grows.
Oh, the shame?
Masturbation has for a long time mostly been a solo activity for most men and women. It seems to be a very private activity and one that people are not always willing to share or even talk about with their partners. I know that some people are threatened by their partners need or desire to masturbate. They usually feel like there is something that they are not providing for their partner or that they are inadequate sexually or don't sexually satisfy their partner. So rather than have their partners be disappointed or upset they sneak into the bathroom and masturbate privately and hope not to get caught.
What stops many couples indulging in mutual masturbation is often fear. Fear of how their partner will react. Fear of feeling stupid and self-conscious are all reasons that are often told as reasons why people prefer not to participate. In some ways you will be putting on a show for your partner, just as you would if you were to do a striptease. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. The first time I did this for a partner I felt awkward, stupid, and self-conscious... for about ten seconds. Because once I looked at his face and realized just how much he was enjoying watching me touch myself, I no longer felt self-conscious and began to let go and indulge.
Oh, what joy!
To share a masturbation experience can be one of the most intimate acts you can experience with your partner. I find that for me it gives me a chance to observe my partner and watch his/her reactions as he/she masturbates. I don't feel threatened by masturbation. Sometimes it occurs when I am not really in the mood to do anything about my partner's need to get off. I enjoy watching them take care of themself and actually I find it very fascinating to tell the truth, and often it actually brings me into the mood even though I didn't intend it!
On the flip side of the coin is the completely different feeling I get when I masturbate myself and someone watches. It's kind of that feeling of being caught with one's hand in the cookie jar that adds a little extra excitement to the situation. The fact that someone is watching also tends to heighten the sensation for myself. I can easily get lost and imagine that several people are watching me get off.
Mutual masturbation can be done as foreplay to intercourse or it can be done all on its own all the way to orgasm. Either way it can be a lot of fun and create a very intimate session for you and your partner. If you have sex toys that you enjoy playing with they can come in handy when you are pleasuring each other in this fashion. At times my partner will be masturbating and I will join in by rubbing his balls for him or even sucking them into my mouth. This also works equally well the other way around. I will massage my clitoris while he runs his fingers across the inside of my thighs, dipping into my vagina and rubbing the area around my clitoris. I've found it very erotic to have my fingers touching his as they roam across my private parts.
I have also found that mutual masturbation is a great activity for those lazy days, when you really don't want to crawl out of bed at all. This is definitely a smashing way to wake up! Lying beside each other it's fairly easy to reach over and run your fingers through his pubic hair or skim your fingers lightly over his balls and cock. As you play you will notice that his cock will arise to the occasion. At this point if he hasn't already started to work his hands over towards your pussy there's nothing wrong with grabbing his hand and directing it to your pussy yourself. He'll get the idea.
Lubrication is always a good idea. If there isn't enough lubrication, sensitive skin can become chafed and very uncomfortable. There are many different types of lubrication that you can use. Some of the choices you will make in picking out your lubrication might depend on whether or not you're going to indulge in oral sex afterwards. If this is the case then you want to use something that will at least not leave a bad taste in your mouth. There are lots of love lotions available from the sex shops that will fit the bill here. If taste isn't an issue then go with a water-soluble based lubrication. If things start to dry out you just have to add a little bit of moisture to it and you're all set to go again. If you don't have any of the above available then just use what comes naturally which is your saliva and juices that your body produces when you are sexually aroused.
Some mutual masturbation tips
There are several ways you can add masturbation into your normal love life *) and below are some ideas to help you get going:
Show and Tell
This technique is ideal for couples that are not ready to make love yet for whatever reason and is probably one of the safest forms of foreplay known to mammals as it involves only touching yourself and not your partner. This does require a level of confidence and trust between both parties though, as you need to let your guard down, to some extent, to really appreciate the entire experience.
Some people like to sit across the room from each other while others prefer to lie on the bed and play at the same time. It really is a case of what you are both comfortable with. Being able to sit back and watch your partner pleasure themselves can be extremely erotic.
The first time I experienced this was when, during a cuddle-session on the sofa, my partner moved my hand and placed it between my legs, letting me know he wanted to watch. This first time he did it, I first felt a little odd about it, but the way it turned him on was reward enough to make me lose all sense of inhibition. He got off big time while watching me masturbate and the orgasm I had was definitely powerful!
This can be a fun way to introduce toys into your sex play. Again you have choices here and you can either simply use the toy on yourself as your lover watches or you could ask them to place their hand over yours and help guide it to the spots where it gives the most pleasure. If you choose to share toys then it's a good idea to place a condom over them and change it before you go from yourself to your partner, at least if you're not in a stable relationship.
I have many toys that I like to use together with my partner. Sometimes we both pick out one that we like, lie side by side, and just enjoy the sights and sounds of each other getting more and more turned on.
Mutual masturbation is an ideal way to teach your partner how best to please you. You can even add to this scenario by dressing for the part and role-playing if you feel so inclined. Your partner is your student and your mission is to educate them to best pleasure you using only your hands. You begin by showing them what type of stroke works for you or perhaps a simple biology lesson where you point to the more pleasurable parts of your body and take it from there...
Double the Pleasure
Here you can both please each other, teasing each other and practice the techniques you've learned through the above techniques. Find a position where you can both comfortably reach each other's genitals and begin masturbating each other. You can also do this separately where one party will masturbate the other and then vice versa. Both of these techniques are fun to try and again a great way to learn how your partner ticks.
Bath time Fun
No one says you have to keep mutual masturbation in the bedroom. It can be fun to take into the bathtub, shower or hot tub. It can be an extremely relaxing experience and one that I highly recommend.
Sometimes my partner likes to watch me in the shower. With a hand-held shower head, I'll stand in the shower with the curtain open and maneuver the water to pleasure myself while he/she sits on the stool and masturbates while watching me.
So, find your partner and masturbate! ;-)
These are just some ideas that I've tried and tested and I know many others have enjoyed as well. The key to mutual masturbation really is to relax, communicate and above all have fun!
*) I don't really like the phrase 'normal lovelife', because people should enjoy their lovelife whether others think it is normal or not. What I meant was that mutual masturbation is probably always a welcome addition to whatever lovemaking-techniques/bedroom-activities/kink you regularly practise.