So, today I was in my kitchen, doing kitchen things - toasting bread, eating jam off a knife-blade, the same old same old - when I happen to look at the calendar on the wall. Cathy's calendar.

Unfortunately, Cathy is a nineteen-year-old female letch, thus driving her to put up not only this calendar of topless men in our kitchen, but pictures of topless men in her room. But I digress: For the first time I looked - by which I mean looked properly - at Mr. March. He seems to be holding an arc welder/sparkler WHILE HIS TROUSERS ARE UNDONE! That's right kids: this man is supposed to have unzipped and unbuttoned his trousers, then thought,

"Time to get on with burning the end of this pipe".

What???!!?? Seriously, what can this guy be planning on doing with the pipe once he's cut the end off? Is he going to give it a good rogering? Seriously, what other explanation is there??!!? Which begs another question: do women find the idea of a man with an extremely small penis lacerating and, quite possibly burning it, while humping scrap metal, horny?