Lights come up... a screaming crowd cries for blood, and beer. Like a grey little spider, a microphone descends slowly from the ceiling. Into the center strides the man in the black and white. This is his arena.

Ladieeeeeees and gentleman! Are you ready for some wrestling?

The roar rises inexplicably higher.

Then please welcome, straight out of Nazareth, at 115 pounds, the mangling messiah, the ravaging rabbi, the King of the Jews, he died for your sins - JESUS CHRIST!

He strides out with the attitude of someone who knows where he's going in the next life. He wears his crown of thorns with supreme pride (and piety). The crowd loves him. With a single hand raised, he quiets their hysteria to a dull roar.

Get ready, ladies and gentleman, for the most brutal and exciting match in eternity. Because tonight, in front of 30,000 sinners at the Nashville InfernoDome, JESUS TAKES ALL COMERS! Let's get ready to rumble!