it's ridiculous in the morning on a wednesday, but i just have to drop in some commentary about monday morning...firstly, i'd like to damn the assassin for putting the idea into my head. i prolly shouldn't have done what i did, but, hey, i did it anyway; chalk it up to being intoxicated, angry, alone, and encouraged. "i'm sorry," he said to me, "but i have to go home tonite. you could always take the bishop with you..." i can never tell if he's joking. "mikey? hah. you've gotta be shitting me. doc, maybe, if agate wasn't trying...or swanson...mmm...swanson looks good." in fact, swanson had looked good from day one, but i'd be damned if i was gonna do anything about it. "hmm, perhaps you're right," he said, "you should try." it was a rather decisive statement. "what and fail miserably and totally make an ass of myself in front of my other players? you must be kidding." i think i laughed weakly. "you fail? nooo," he paused and looked at me with patent disbelief, "you can get him. you should try." and with that, the assassin left the party. some hours later, i finally won an ongoing battle of wits with swanson. i'd tried dancing, talking, singing, nuzzling, and cuddling, and at last it was the cuddling that wore him down. i didn't mean to win against swanson. i rather meant to win against the assassin, and prove that i couldn't win with swanson. oh well, anyway, this lands me with a lovely young virgin in my bed. i must've asked him a dozen times if he was sure it was what he wanted, and every time, the answer was yes. so, well...things occurred. i can't raise the assassin on the phone, now, and this makes me unhappy. i thought he'd like to know he'd won. i also think he should hear it from me first. just in case he *was* kidding...i am never sure with that one, and i am an unfortunate person to try to bluff. well, i've been stupid. perhaps really badly stupid. i don't regret it, but i fear the reprocussions because i have no idea what they are. i'm in limbo, here, and i hate not knowing what's going on. but tonight it should clear up. i hope. as long as i live, this will sit in my memories -- just another bitersweet taste of victory.