COW OF DOOM (tm) Enterprises
42 CODE Way
Chelmsford, MA

Dear Sirs,

        Yossarian's School of Badassary is a magnificent place of learning, and has helped make me the bad motherfucker I am today. However, there are certain areas in which the school is lacking, and I would like to make the following suggestions.

        First, I reccomend the creation of a new department, the Department of Looking Slick. The graduates of Yossarian's School of Badassary are true badasses, but many of them lack the most basic knowlege of how to look like a badass. I have seen icicle, a Dean at your prestigious university, wearing frilly socks. Why, one of your recent graduates was in a knife fight, and instead of doing anything bad ass with his own blood, he wiped it off! Clearly your students will benefit from the creation of this department.

        The first class I propose in this department would be called "Stuff To Do With Your Own Blood 101". Topics discussed in class would include:

        Future classes will include "Badass Fashion: Give Me Leather or Give Me Death", "Badass Cuisine", which will explain what foods are badass (whiskey, red meat) and which are not (muffins, quiche), and "Badass One-Liners".

        Gentlemen, I thank you for your time reading this letter, and remind you that while my degree was in Veiled Threats, I still have a minor in Whup-Ass Canning Techniques, and it would certainly be a shame if my proposal was ignored, and unfortunate things happened to the Deans, or their families.

        the COW OF DOOM (tm)