Since the last time I wrote in a daylog, things have stabilized and progressed. Very little has deterioration, limited to a single class. Plans have been developed and a path or two singled out. I'm progressing, or at least that is how it feels. Mentally, I've been better, but that was a long time ago, when I was still naive. The world means something now and I feel like I can finally take it on. No, I'm no financially independent adult now, but I see my responsibilities and feel prepared to plan for the future.
I failed my math class, 3% below passing threshold. It will be tackled again next quarter. My Physics class isn't looking too much better. This time, rather than having problems with understanding, it is that I am not quick enough on the tests. Rather oddly, I managed a B+ on my Microeconomics exam. The professor and that class rock: Legible handwriting, respectable and respecting, a very clear voice, and a linear curriculum.
My major has pretty much been decided as Comp Sci, but I will be taking a few classes in it before declaring (which is required to declare, anyways). If I don't like Comp Sci, I may transfer over to University Of Washington and go into their Geophysics/Seismology program. I am definitely minoring in Japanese and am also considering minoring in German. Did I mention I love learning languages? I want to be a polyglot. I hope to spend the summer of '06 in the KCP International program located in Tokyo. Next year I am going to do the 200 series of Japanese and then take equivalent credits for probably 301 and 302 in the KCP program.
I've begun on the path to, 'normalcy,' physically: Basically taking into account info from The Hacker's Diet, a dietician's suggestions and what my stomach tells me. Gearing up the whole gym bit and decided on a standard to meet: Navy Basic Training entry standards by the end of this quarter - 14:00 minute mile and a half, 45 pushups in two minutes and 30 situps in the same time, or something to that effect. End of next quarter will be Basic Training exit standards - 12:15 minute mile and a half, 60 pushups and 45 situps, or something to that effect. (I haven't been able to get ahold of my friend's dad, who was until recently a Navy recruiter, so it's all in confusion for now.) I've got at least one person who I can convince to come with me all the time, so it's much easier.
Relationships have stabilised, thankfully. The semi-family social structure is all good and well with a few exceptions. This morning was really sad, but it pointed something out to me. The Japanese transfer students from AUAP all had to leave, which left many in tears. I was blown away while standing by the bus waiting for everything to be loaded. Marika, who lived a floor above me, came over to me and hugged me, trying to hold back the tears and failing. She reminisced about the morning or two I'd cooked an all-call breakfast and invited her, Yukari and Mie and cooked for them. Maybe if I go to Japan in the summer after this one, like I hope, we'll have to meet up and I'll have to cook a storm up.
I realized something, as I said: Life is short and our time together is even shorter. I have to act. I don't care if it's as small as hanging out. I don't care if it's as big as drinking myself to the floor, I'm going to start taking advantage of opportunities. The trio of Japanese women were all beautiful and incredibly nice people. I should've spent more time with them. There's a new batch of Japanese students coming in in a week or so. I've got classes and such to take care of, but making friends is key. I don't care if I will only know them for less than a season, it's just knowing people who I can hang out with and have fun with.
I did not sleep at all last night, rather I spent it with my friends hanging out in the main lounge. The Japanese students came in and out and then they left. Three friends and I were the only ones left at 7:00AM. Thomas sat down at the piano and played some very cathartic songs. About twenty minutes later, I took my Docs off, unlaced them entirely and occupied the floor sitting seiza. A sense of complete focus took over and my body felt as an ancilliary to my existence for a few minutes. My mind floated and picked itself apart. I decided. I'm going to live again. If I don't take chances, I will never win. About the time I came to this conclusion, Thomas began playing Aeris' Theme and two other people who had left us earlier returned. I broke thought for a minute. I thought and pulled myself away from my body a second time and discovered something. I knew right then and there that I have to ask her what she thinks of me. Stop fooling around and casting glances her way, I have to outright ask her. Why dance around the issue if the answer is basically out in the open? That's it. I remember how to live. I have to live again.