My birthday. Chronologically speaking at least. I'm 19, and somehow that feels significant. But I couldn't tell anyone why, as I don't know.

I'll probably enjoy myself today, but right now, just after midnight (BST), I feel pretty bad. I'm tired. I'm upset.

  • My dad's away: for the fourth year running, my dad's out at a conference over my birthday period. Apparently just a coincidence... that's not fair, it is just a concidence. But after the first two years, my natural cynicism and my annoyance made me go through the above mental checking manouvre each time. We wouldn't do anything special if he was here, I probably wouldn't really notice him except at mealtimes, but his absence sticks in my mind all the same.
  • The petrol crisis: this has essentially caused the cancellation of my birthday, in the crass commercialized (ie fun) sense. The mail has been running erratically for the past three days, leaving me without any cards or presents. The parcel delivery services are also out of petrol, so my main present (a 14 inch TV for my uni room) is stuck in some sorting office limbo. My car is empty, so I can't drive out and see my friends, and they're suffering the same problem. My brother and sister can't come back from Uni to see me. The supermarkets have been raided by paranoid food-hoarders (I thought they'd still be finishing their Y2K supplies), so there's barely anything left for the birthday meal. However, we triumphantly managed to salvage some cheap chicken breast, a pot of curry sauce, four onion bahjis and some naan breads from the supermarket, so all is not lost.
  • I have to go to work: actually, this is my own fault. I could have taken the day off today, but when the time came to decide, I didn't feel like it. I need the money, and I suspect that my workload will be susbstantially reduced due to it being my birthday. I hope. Right now though, it doesn't feel like such a good idea. With no presents avaliable, I feel like I should at least have a lie-in, but I've signed away my rights to that.
I'm being self-centered and selfish, I know. But it's my birthday, and that's arguably a large element. I'd like to think that, in a cheesey Simpsons Christmas Special way, it'll be the best birthday ever, etc. But it'll probably be a long day of work (Netware is driving me crazy) followed by a meal which, while decent, isn't particularly special.

I'll fight back. I'll wake up at 7AM, and then fall asleep in the bath (stupidly comfortable, stupidly dangerous) until 8.50, then be late for work. I'll avoid doing anything, and chain-tea-drink. When I get back, I'll clear off this godawful W98 install and stick W2K on here. I'll listen to Mogwai with my amp on half volume. Possibly naked. I'll wolf the bahjis. I'll node. I'll get over it.

Of course, coffee cake helps.

9.10 AM. I was just woken up by a UPS delivery man, carrying a TV sized box. After signing for it (on those funky stylus pads) I opened it to find a Sound Blaster Live! 1024, which I'd ordered weeks ago and sort of forgotten about. Excellent. Except I should have been at work 10 minutes ago. I hope I still have a job*.

*I do, thankfully. I also recieved my first downvote today, hoopy.