My girlfriend left for college today. Next week I'm going. She's in New Orleans, I'll be in Chicago. Not that distance has ever been a problem for us . . . that's just the way it will be.

This will (presumably) be my last year of undergraduate school. I'll get my twin degrees, and hopefully my honors' student pat on the back and then I've got to go do something else.

Goddammit, I'm fucking scared.

I'd like to do graduate school and further my study of computer graphics . . . but I've only done cursory looks for schools that do well in that field. Plus, I'd have to be ready for those computer science GREs. The specialty GREs are notoriously tricky, I hear.

Sometimes I wonder if I only want to continue my education because seeking education is all I've known for the last two decades, give or take. Thus the idea of working full time in a job related to my field just feels utterly foreign and wrong somehow . . .

I've been reviewing my Japanese vocabulary over the last couple of weeks. Realizing how much of this stuff that I knew so well 12 months ago is now lost in the wrinkles of my mind . . . it flays my ego further.

I wish I could remember how to cry or something, because then I could just fuck this shit and let it out. I've forgotten. Egad. Normally I don't cuss like this. I just feel so rudderless and paranoid because it's the last week of summer vacation . . . perhaps my last summer vacation, in the true sense of the words. I'm coming up to this huge life milestone, and I don't know where I'm going after that.

There's so much that I want to do, and now that I finally have a chance to pick something, I'm frozen with anxiety.

Anyone who wishes to /msg me with words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated.