I'm a Chilean politician. I supposedly was the vice of Bernardo O'Higgens (correct? The Chile's Irish president) and was hidden in the dark most of the time and left out of all political decisions (not that I am familiar AT ALL with Chilean government).

I'm sititng in my office listening to Falco, what sounds like Rock Me Amadeus only poorly remixed, and a large thud is heard from my door. I walk to the door, open it up and three fruit cakes have been lobbed into my door. I raise my head and down the hall I can see two men in Superman underwear running around a corner. The fruitcakes have notes attached to them but this being a dream, every written word is just a long squiggle, but somehow I knew this had something to do with religion in public schools.

I turn around, and my friend Ben is standing there with an old rotary telephone. There is about 4 feet of space between the ear and the mouth of the phone. I asked him how he expected me to talk on this, and he told me that you sat on the mouth piece and talked out of your ass and listened like normal. Talking out of your ass was pretty simple. It came without thinking. But everyone had a different ass voice than their vocal voice. Mine sounded like a posh yuppie valley girl from the 80's saying, "Like totally!" Ben demonstrates the ass-talking position and calls up our academic team coach and screams, "LOOK! A GIANT COCK!"

I interrupt the conversation and ask why he said that, and he says a whole bunch of crap that I can't remember anymore. I turn around and there is a giant wooden sculpture of a penis, about 8 feet high. Ben has stolen the sacred penis from the Annual Japanese Penis Festival and brought it with him. The penis explodes and several Trojans emerge and tear down every part of my office. Lars Ulrich is there. He steals the phone from Ben, who in return punches him swiftly and a fistfight breaks out. Ben has Lars in a headlock and I start crying. I then wake up.