L. Ron Hubbard and I were going out on a date. Everyone referred to him as "Ron", so I was confused when I learned I was going on a date with "Ron" Hubbard, the L always gave me some idea of his identity. The entire point was that if the date went well, he would be highly subjective towards me and would give me a scholarship.

We went to see my friend James and his band play in concert at the House of Blues. I looked up at the stage and I saw the entire band Polaris (the band that did the theme song for The Adventures of Pete and Pete) playing. They were playing Hey Sandy and She is Staggering (both have been played on the show), and L. Ron Hubbard (who will be reffered to as LRH throughout the rest of this dream) would turn to me every othe rminute and tell me about how he was going to write a book about these guys. I imagined a book like Dianetics featuring the band Polaris, and made a mental note to myself to write this book when I woke up.

LRH, old and frail, decided that it would be best that we leave because his ears were pounding from standing right next to the speakers and there was a lot of feedback that night. We were sitting in his car, a '58 Edsel(!) and he turned on the radio and Girls Just Want To Have Fun came on the radio. This gets kind of vague to me here, something about an Interstate loop that would take you from Fresno to the New Jersey turnpike in half an hour, so we could go visit some friends of mine who lived in San Diego that night since LRH lived in some city that starts with a V (I'm wanting to call it Verona, but I think that's just because that's Romeo and Juliet..).

We're driving in Fresno in the median strip of a small highway (compared to the rest of Fresno) and we pass by a basketball court and I catch a glimpse of Latrell Sprewell playing 4 corners with one of the guys from the Mavericks. I hit some emergency break on the passenger side and I run up to the court and ask if LRH and I can join them. 4 corners actually is a two-player game here (that's kind of stupid...) and Latrell Sprewell steps out so I step in. The ball will hit me and will kick it over the fence and hit this car over and over again. It was always the same car, a lemon-yellow Camero that passed by ad nauseum. LRH came behind me, gagged me with a bandana and forced me into his car and drove me off to his house. This was somewhat vague too. The house was full of torture devices and other things I can't explain. I sat down in a dentist's chair as LRH circled around me screaming things like "So you really think the Communist Manifesto was about Communism do you?! Well you're wrong! It was about YOU!" I started to cry. "Oh you big baby baloohoo (I think that was what he said.. some word I have never heard) cry cry cry! I pay my taxes so people like you can sit around crying! It's not my g-damn fault that thirty-eight million kids follow me around thinking I wrote Battlefield Earth! Oh God babe, if you only knew!"

:::I started slipping out of the dream around here because something on television was waking me up, but I somehow came back into the dream, and the stuff on television was becoming part of the dream:::

LRH had two rapid-fire machine guns and was shooting at what appeared to be, only what I can make out as Lisa Loeb. I woke up.