How do you get people to bother you?

I ain’t that ugly, don’t have leprosy, and normally don’t smell too bad.

In the supermarkets, perky marketing girls for Chipsy Doodlies or whatever will profer samples to every passing mom, child and shuffling old man clinging to a shopping cart for physical support, but suddenly clam up and look at the laundry detergent display as I pass. Do I look too desperate to sample the Chipsy Doodlies? Not desperate enough? For the love of fuckin’ Pete, offer me a Doodlie…

When I lived in LA, the Scientologists in their cheery orange jumpsuits working Hollywood Boulevard wouldn’t give me a second look. Even if I hung around for an extra second or two, with a blank, brainwashable look on my face. Am I a damaged demographic? Off the radar? Red state, blue state, red fish, blue fish? Obviously, I’m confused…