I haven't written a daylog
for a while now since my last daylog got downvote
d so badly, still unsure as to why that happened.
Last night, I experienced some sort of emotional breakage as my friend put it. I was at my friend's birthday dinner, everything was going well, I didn't know anyone other than the birthday girl and Christine but it all turned out well. We went to this very nice restaurant in downtown. It was created in a mansion and the way it was decorated suited it perfectly. The only problem was that the restaurant was extremely expensive and the atmosphere was much too loud.
The birthday girl had her boyfriend and of course was surrounded with her closest friends as well as her godbrother and sister. Suddenly it hit me just when I entered the mansion, I miss my boyfriend! I have not seen the guy in a month and a half and he's leaving in less than nine days and I doubt I will be able to see him before then. He's leaving for two months and it got me thinking.
An extremely bad vibe came over me that suddenly made me feel that he doesn't care. He doesn't have time for me and yet isn't exactly taking the action to make time for me. I suddenly felt as if I was way down on his list of priorities. The birthday girl's boyfriend was able to take the time to be there. Her friends kept getting calls from their SOs. Her godbrother was talking about what he did for his girlfriends during special occasions. How he booked a whole restaurant on his girlfriend's birthday and gave her a pair of rings, etc. And I was just sitting there thinking, "gee, I wish I had that!" Then it hit me, I won't get that, and probably never will. No one in my life has ever been so sweet to me nor has done anything close to that for me. This realization came at the worst time ever, since I was already feeling a little pushed away by my boyfriend. When I got home and my boyfriend FINALLY called at 3 in the morning but all I could think of was how he doesn't have time for me and that I'll be alone during the fireworks, I'll be alone on my birthday and I'll be alone all summer long. After we got off the phone 15 minutes later because I just had nothing to say, I broke down crying. Maybe this was because I haven't cried for so long and my body needed to be adjusted, but I cried and cried for 2 hours not knowing what hit me.
But now after sleeping it through and coming back to reality, that feeling is gone and I'm all better.