I feel her coming closer
I think she might just free me. Again. So clearly I want to be released from the chains that bind me. How desperately I want to let go.
It always makes sense in the beginning. I have run so hard and so fast for so long. I'm ready to stop running. I'm ready to allow myself the happiness I have earned.
As the Gin Blossoms once said "29, you'd think I'd know better...". I do know better. I'm not getting any younger and I've got to stop shoving myself back into the proverbial closet due to fear and uncertainty. I suppose some people experience their awakenings, or crises at 30. Perhaps I'm lucky to have come to terms with mine a year early.
The time has come to get up and live. I cannot build my life around being afraid of hurting someone. If I look back in 30 years and realize that I've been unhappy all this time, then all the work I did to make sure I didn't step on any toes...well, it makes no sense.
Several years ago, I came to the not-so-startling revelation that I was a lesbian. I was open and honest about it. It's not been a secret, but I did stifle it because I couldn't deal with causing my husband any pain. An act is not a marriage. False fronts and insincere smiles aren't going to get anyone anywhere.
Hi, Life, it's nice to meet you. Let's get on with it.