I Piss On Your Leg
It is late, the bar is crowded and I have been sitting here far too long. I am just enjoying another swig of my favorite beer as I feel a tingling that starts at the stomach and works it's way down to my groin. The tingling turns into a pressure and the pressure becomes an immediate need to relieve myself. I feel like a hose that has the end plugged tightly by a thumb of good proportion. The pressure is building and without proper release someone is going to get very wet.
Seeing as I must do something about this minor inconvenience I rise from my crusty bar stool and hurriedly make my way into the horde of drunkards. The going is slow. There is an indeterminate amount of bodies between my destination, the men's room, and me. I'm afraid I may not make it. I keep stepping on my fellow bar patrons' feet and collect quite a feel angry growls and glares. I apologize but some look as though they still wish to pound me silly for my grievous offenses.
Slowly I make my way to the other end of the room. My goal is now within reach. I am brimming with anticipation of relief, as my eyes never leave the glorious blue sign. It reads in white letters: Men's Room. My hand slaps the worn brass hand panel set in the black wood of the door and pushes it open. I'm assaulted with the salty stale smell of urine as I enter the restroom. Almost home, I think to myself. Ah, relief is almost at hand. I step up to one of the urinals, minding not to get too close to the restroom’s other patrons, as I do not wish to make them uncomfortable. I look to the heavens as I pull down my zipper. My entire body is tingling now, and the need for release is overpowering.
Something is wrong. Something is very wrong. It seems that I have had a little bit too much to drink. When pulling up to the urinal it looks as though I pulled up sideways and I’ve already begun to relieve myself on the patron next to me. He is a not a slight man. His long hair and large full beard that reaches nearly half way down his hulking girth gives him the look of a ferocious bear. He has arms that are as big around as my legs. His right pant leg is soaked with my piss. I can only stand there staring as my mouth betrays me and begins to curl slowly into a smile. To my horror I am laughing uncontrollably still pissing away on his leg. I'm afraid this is the end of me.